°Transported leverage°

°A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes

I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it’s left me blind°

I wanted to run away last night. I know, it would have been a long run, but I wanted to run away to you, Romeo. To that hug that warms from the inside, that face, that understands no matter how thick the mask and that big heart that will always find a spot for confused and drowning me.

I didn’t go, of course. And for obvious reasons – I suck at running. Otherwise, who knows? I may have done it. Just so you could not believe your eyes and just so I could see that smile again.

Maybe after a year of kickboxing I will be able to pull that run off. Because I gave up on the idea that there will ever be a time in my life that I will not need you anymore.

°The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

You left me in the dark

No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight

In the shadow of your heart°

Broken promises, unlike broken people, cannot be unbroken or fixed. Of course it’s only partly your fault, the other part is mine. I believed and that one is on me, no matter how much it was an unfullfillment coming from you.

It doesn’t matter anymore. Not that it ever matter at great lengths.

At least now I can open them.

°And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,

So darkness I became°

There is so much inside of me I want to let out, express, shout out, whisper.. But when the time comes, I just hide under the blanket. It’s a nice warm and cozy blanket, I have to say and it hides me very well from the world, but I know that this cannot go on forever. I need to say it. I need to admit it and move on.

Because after all, if I am not honest with the world, I am not honest with myself. And that’s just … crappy.

°I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map

And knew that somehow I could find my way back

Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too

So I stayed in the darkness with you°

Is this happening again? Am I becoming a Prozac? The white/green pill that makes everything okay. Or just gloomy, depends on the way you view world.

A lot is coming back to me now and getting so much easier to understand and realize. It’s hard to see myself as a not-so-bright person that could not see it through. And I can relate to vampires, I really can, both them and I are lacking quite a bit of Vitamin D, but still, if you know I do not have it just like you, why would you bite my neck and slowly kill me?

I’m taking it as a lesson. I am not getting angry or worried or even frustrated. It is what it is and it was what it was. It’s in the past. I’m already entering dangerous waters of my future, I really should shift my focus there instead of the past that I cannot change anyways.

°The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

You left me in the dark

No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight

In the shadow of your heart°