27 Apr 2014

°Post-lantern syndrome°

°°I try to make it through my life,
In my way, there’s you
I try to make it through these lies
And That’s all, I do°°

I miss the road. The uncertainty, the smelly crowded dorm-rooms, sun burns. Everything. Everything and anything that others will never understand. Unless they made friends with the road.

Not even you.

I just spent 2 hours watching ‘A map for Saturday’ and most of the times I just smiled and nodded, because this is exactly what you experience and what happens. If you are a backpacker as such, you have been there. You landed in the city you didn’t know. You were wondering around with all your belongings at night looking for a hostel, not knowing which direction to go to. You met someone special and fell in love. Strongly. Passionately. Truly. You met people who could share your life story with, you hung out with people you easily could call your best friends. You had heart breaking goodbyes. The squishingly hard goodbyes, because you know you will most probably never see him or her again. Tears that you will let run down your face or hide underneath thick skin you were forced to grow while on a road.

°°If you were dead or still alive,
I don’t care,
I don’t care°°

Once again, I felt that spinning pain in my chest. And a need to pack and go. Doesn’t matter where or how. Just to go. And maybe never return.

°°Just go and leave this all behind,
Cause I swear
I swear
I don’t care°°

Off Topic

Isn’t it funny, when someone, who is the best friend for you, doesn’t even consider you to be a first-level friend?

Just like music. Which gives your heart vibes. And you don’t seem to be able to stop listening.

I don’t care.

°°(Love changing everything)
(You won’t be there for me)°°

22 Apr 2014

°Vintage Resonance°

°°I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside°°

Once again, I got lost in a time and when I actually opened my eyes, it is already the end of April.
Not much happened in a mean time, so not big loss. Except the cage somehow became too narrow. Or maybe I became too big.
[Insert all you know `big` jokes here]

Two days in a row I went to school. And I opened the papers. I read the lines. I wrote a few too. You may think it’s a piece of cake. But in my world, it’s the piece on the highest shelf. And I am not the highest. Not yet at least.

Only one more button to press, one hope to appear to be true and into the wild we go.

°°Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet°°

Anything. I will do anything if you only took those dreams from me. No more holding hands, the *** just hit the fan. I need those dreams disappear. Away. Gone. Whatever it takes. Don’t be afraid to break the laws.

One last time? For me?
I know you’re smiling.

Those clear, vivid dreams, where you can almost smell the big pot of Vietnamese old lady’s soup. Or almost touch those step mountains. And feel the real shiver inside of  you when somebody calls out the name with eyes, full of fear. `Lee`.
And the curtain goes down.

°°Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself°°

And then there was this real fear. Real almond [I still don’t agree] eyes and big flaming fear in them, digging so deep you want to scratch the back of your head. 9 more days and then we will see if something bigger will join fear to burn down those almonds.

°°I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me°°

There was time for Love. There was Love in the time of Cholera.

Off Topic

I really dislike those moments in my life when I feel completely lonely. No, not alone, lonely. It seems like even if you picked up a phone no one would answer [And you know that from before, when you tried, no one did]. When you only want to huddle in a ball, cover yourself with thick duvet and not to come out. You know it’s not the option, but that still doesn’t kill your wish. And the moment passes, just like everything else.

We passed too, didn’t we?
Weird, for a long time I thought we won’t.
It hurt to try, but it was worth it. Even if only for that one sparkling moment. When you lied and I knew truth was different.

°°Tonight I start the fire
Tonight I break away°°

You stopped writing. And I never really started. We both made a mistake. And now I don’t know if I can invite you to a battle.
I may never trust you enough to go to reconnaissance with you, but you shouldn’t feel bad. I probably don’t trust anyone this much.
Or maybe I do?

°°Tonight my head is spinning
I need something to pick me up°°

°°At night I feel like a vampire
It's not right but I just can't give it up°°