27 Apr 2018

°Orange flavoured silent igloo°

°All I wanted, was to be an exception. All I got, was to be a rule°

But what does it say about me, if after 33 years I still cannot make sense of the world? Or that I keep finding myself in the same situation? Sure, it’s complimentary to know that I have an exceptional impact, but if at the end of the day I am left with nothing up my sleeve, what is the point of it all, really?

°Don’t date a girl who travels°

I know this irrational anger towards the world and people will fade, but the heart breaking feeling won’t. It’s like the world wants you to be yourself, but when you are yourself, it is punishing you for not being what society expects, even if secretly, you to be.

It is like sitting at the casino at the end of the world again. The house always wins, yet I cannot NOT play the roulette. And so I know I will lose, the only question remains, how much. And when the choice is between happiness and your true self, how do you know what is the less important thing? And if you were to choose happiness, how long can you actually be happy, when you betray the only person, except for your inner demons, who was always there for you and always held your hand.

°And love. Love’s a broadway show°

The world’s not fair. But that is not the reason for me to be angry. Just at some point you stop yourself and cannot help but wonder – what is the point of all this?

But then I remember, I get to be completely honest with myself and even if all is lost, at least I have nothing to regret. And that makes me kind of happy.

Plus me and Steffany are going on a road again. And that is all kinds of different types of happy.