19 Oct 2017

°No longer a forbidden city becomes empty°

ºSome call love a curse, some call love a thief
But she‘s my home
And she‘s as much apart for this broken heart, but see
Broken bones always seem to mendº

I went out to Italian Cinque Terre at the end of September, because I needed to clear my head and tire my feet. Or just escape the city and climb some rocks. Or just to get used to the walking. Sometimes I think I was going just to calm my inner little backpacker girl, who is already biting her nails for the second time, this how much she wants/needs this.

But in the end my secret wish to let him go. Just like she is his home, he was mine. I say `was` because I don’t believe of it ever turning into the present again. Nor I think it should. Damaged or not, I deserve a more cuddly environment.

*Just take my f***ing hand*

However it was, Italy, as usual, delivered. First was Levanto, a cute cozy little town on a coast, close by the Cinque Terre. From there I started walking. Up and down the hill, meeting only a few people here and there, talking a little but not too much, just the way I like it, moving on again. I walked until Corniglia on the first day, which is in the middle and is supposed to be the most quiet and smallest of them all. Which was just a perfect stop-over for me. I sat down watching the sun set with a glass of beer, letting my skin get slightly tanned, had some dinner and went to sleep with my book in my hand.

The second day I have finished my path until the end of Cinque Terre and from there I took a train to Parma, a city I did not know much before I got there, but the city that surprised me very pleasantly. Just like every Italian city, it has an old town, full of ancient or at least from middle-ages stuff, red bricks, churches, all very Italian atmosphere. Not spending too much time there I have managed to walk through the old town, have an authentic sandwich with wine dinner in the place that somewhat reminded me a little bit the La Xampanyeria in Barcelona, that I loved so much I went first time and never had a chance of going there again.

In the afternoon I took a train to Milan where after 8 years of not seeing each other I met Dominyka, an amazingly cheerful blue-eyed Lithuanian girl I first met while working in Microsoft back in Lithuania almost literally ages ago. We walked and walked and walked and then went for some apperitivo [it’s big in Italy apparently] and talk non-stop. It was very refreshing and interesting to see just how much both of us have changed, but how we can still find time and topics to discuss.

And then an adventure in the land of wine and pizza and sun and sand and lost souls and found shoes and recovered wallets and forgotten pains was over.

ºIt’s funny how
When you come around
You’re not hereº

And then, just a hip hop skip the week, closing and reporting I found myself on a plane again. A little adventure that was supposed to be just a quick getaway presented with more surprises than I could have imagined or dreamed about. The less you expect, the more you receive, the important part is just to keep your heart open.

It all started while I was at the airport waiting for my flight to Brussels where I met Aurimas, heading for the exact same flight so we talked. We talk in the queue for the plane, we talked in a queue for the bus, then in a bus and then we split our ways. But after so many topics and so many differently angled conversations it was a pity to walk away. It enriched me somehow.

Later I met my friend Lina that I haven’t seen for a very long time, we had lunch, I walked Brussels, we met again, had a beer(s) and then the highlight of the day [or a week, or a month, really] – Angus and Julia Stone concert. I have been waiting for it for 3 years, since I stupidly decided against going for it when they were playing in Copenhagen and I was not going to let them visit Europe without me seeing them. I was right to fly to another country for it, it was an amazing concert. They play beautifully, they sing beautifully, they are charismatic and sincere with the music and it all makes it only better.

The concert was followed by not so much slept night and quite lazy and tiredly morning, plus a quick walk to the bus, because it was time to change a country – and visit The Netherlands. Just a few hours later I found myself in The Hague, for the first time I may add, where I shopped [for gifts, give it a rest], walked, enjoyed the view and in the end got ready and went for a housewarming party.

I was a little excited, a little scared, a little awkwardly shy when I got there, because there was only one person I knew that and that would be host, so the chances are, he will not have time for me. So when I’m on my own and I might be good on my own, but not around all these never before met people..

The night went better than expected, especially knowing that it ended at 6.30 a.m. The first hour was a bit awkward, but then I met this guy was also knew just as many people in the place as I did, so we had that in common and somehow we hit it off. So we talked about life and travelling, shooting and kicking, food and families, adventures and jobs. We talked until Mr. Patrick, the host approached us with the news that we are leaving the apartment and going to a karaoke bar. Who can say no to that? And we went, we did not sing, but we were dancing and enjoying the night until it closed. Shame.. The strongest ones still wanted to stay, so we went to some other place where we continued dancing and talking and before I knew it, I found myself going to my bed in the hostel, putting my alarm and seeing it almost sarcastically saying: “time left to sleep: 2 hours and 56 minutes”. On a plus side, I closed my eyes happy.

And then the next day, after those precious 3 hours of sleep, I got to spend some quality time with Mr. Patrick. Strange really, how even a quick trip on a train and a simple but open conversation feels more real than most of the conversations in the world. I knew he’d understand me and he did. He’s not in that place anymore, but on some level I think he wishes he was. Most importantly though, he understands. My soul managed to calm down at least a bit.

Also, he shed some light to the question that was torturing me and did not let me go. I was right, of course. I am just not sure anymore if that’s the good part of the disastrous one. I guess we’ll figure that out when we are in our 60s over beers. I really hope this promise will be kept.

ºThere’s nothing else to do here but kiss under the stars
I like you just the way you are
There’s nothing else to do here but fall into your arms
I like you just the way you areº

Off Topic

It’s strange from the `why` to the `how come`. And it’s not the usual, not the typical, but it is me, just the other me. There are no butterflies, but there is a stupid smile on a face and a longing feeling. It’s nice. The best part of it? It’s seems so sincere and naked, completely drama free and I think that’s what I’m missing in my life. Chaos is alright as long as I’m not being lied to and no artificial storm is being created. Simple just like that: You like? I like. You want? I want. You come? I wait. And I am getting impatient with waiting.

P.S. I don’t hold grudges. You just become irrelevant. I’d sorry, but that would defy the meaning of it.