°I leave you and marry him for money
Cause baby I will never take a job
But wait for me cause when I get my money
I‘ll kill him and marry you for love°
I don't know how I feel about anything anymore. The insomnia seems to have left me, giving me very much needed sleep, but the uneasy feeling is still there. Am I missing something? Did I forget to do something? I don't know.
I found this song that I've been listening for straight 10 days or so and it literally draws me into it. The lyrics are weird, to say the least, but that sound.. That harmonized sound that gets you high just by listening to it.. And I really wanted to go to the concert, so imagine my happiness when I found one in Stockholm! But then as it turns out, I mixed the year. So stupid. Well, I will keep hoping, because at the moment I can only imagine how freeing it would be to hear it being performed live.
°But I need my sushi roles
My lower east side haircut
I need my snakeskinboot
And coco channel shades°
The casino at the end of the world seems very deserted. Only a few ghostly people are wandering around, almost no one is betting. The house is almost ready to let you win, I can feel it in my bones, so I place a small bet. The one you never wanted me to leave on the table. But you don't call the shots anymore. And so I do. And so I win. But the house will never let me get out of the casino with it. While it's re-stacking the deck, I need to make another bet. And then I lose.
It's not really surprising anymore, right? Yet, I'm shocked. Mostly, because I knew it all along and I still went for it. Oh well.
°I need my taxi cabs
My 18 carat Jesus
I need my night-wood blues
My pool side chardonnay°
Do not fall asleep, Romeo. That's when they come to get us. I cannot keep the watch all the time. I need your help. And it's not just about holding my hand, I need more actions. Just do it, for me? I'll beg if I have to and you know better than anyone else how much I dislike the begging process.
°And will call us crazy
But it’s just business baby
Love. Love’s a Broadway show
And if you want my heart
I will play that part
But nothing’s gonna keep me broke°
I cannot say I know how this whole thing will be played out, and I am a little interested. However I know that one of the bridges has been burnt, and there is some smoke coming out of the other one. Will it collapse? Will it be the end of it? Maybe. And I might be okay with it, after all, I have gathered all the puzzle pieces now, I can see the bigger picture. It ain't a pretty picture, but with the ongoing fight with the world, I don't suppose I could have expected anything better.
°So leave me and marry him for money
So kill him and marry me for love°
The kickboxing seems to be helping a lot in every way possible. It's not only burning the fat or making me stronger, mentally and physically, but it also is bringing some piece and understanding of how little and small and insignificant we all are. And so it does not matter. For the universe, it is just too small of the reactions. It's just peanuts, write it off, don't even ask. It will be okay with the boss.
°We will have our Hendricks gin
Our rooftop conversations
We need our oh oh oh’s
To get us through the day°
Less than 4 weeks left. Stephanie is already packing her high heels that I keep telling her she won't need, but she is even more stubborn than me. She is very excited about the white beaches and tanned bodies. Who knows, maybe with the help of kickboxing we will finally have a body to kill for, just to make some people jealous while enjoying the sun and the Tuesday's margaritas.
A little runaway escape before the big storm. Or after? I am not sure which one will hit harder, but when it does, it's too late to think of it anymore.
°If you want my heart
I take credit cards
Nothing’s gonna keep me broke°