30 Aug 2011

.This side up. Inside is fragile.

My life is awesome. And no, I am not bragging, but it really is. I keep on getting all those `what are you doing in Chile??? So awesome!!` messages and there is nothing much I can respond. Especially when it comes together with `Why Chile?`. I have no answer to that. Maybe `why not`, but usually that does not satisfy people. Either way, I am living in the `why not` country there, down under and so far – loving it.

I had an amazing last Friday. I was at home, in my bed, watching some bad good TV and prepared to go to sleep early. I mean, I haven’t got any friends here to go out and do stuff, so.. it’s fine, whatever, I’ll just stay in. My time was disturbed with a knock on the door – the elder brother came in for something and then he was so surprised, why on earth I am spending Friday night at home, that he told me – ok, get ready, we are going out. Sir, yes, sir! I dressed as fast as I could and we went out. He asked me if I like winter sports, I mentioned ice-skating and we hit the road – to the ice-ring. On our way there I learned that he have never done that before. Well, that will be so much fun for me then. We hit it off right away. Talks, laughs, jokes – was not uncomfortable at all. So we went in and stepped on ice. Of course, ice was badly cleaned and skates not sharp, but the feeling on flying on them was amazing. It wasn’t that much fun watching him though – he was pretty good as for the first time. I was probably the tallest person on the ice and looked like big white giant to all of them.

We went out and decided to go for a drink. But instead he took me up the hill, on the side of the city, so I would see the panoramic view. Amazing view, but then of course, thanks to Murphy’s laws, I had no camera. Well, he promised to take me there another time and I promised not to forget my camera anymore. The amazing thing about Santiago – it’s totally flat. But really, perfectly flat, but all mountains, and high mountains around. It’s amazing view. I don’t think I have ever seen anything like that before. Wait.. Yes, Grenoble is similar like this, but still, nothing compared to Santiago. We went for a drink afterwards, talked a little, drove a little. We got back home late, but I was extremely happy. I found a person, I can go out, have fun, talk about all kinds of things. The life was getting better and better.

The next day I went out to walk around the touristic places. I took metro, took a little walk and went to this place they call `Sanctus Cristabal`. It’s a big hill with a virgin on top of it. I took a funicular to go up, since I could not find how to climb up myself. Anyways, I got up. The virgin itself is not that spectacular, but the view from the hill is amazing.

The day time panoramic view. And this time – I had my camera with me. I managed to find a way down on my feet and I took it. It took me a while to get down, I managed to go from one hill to another, walk around another park. After some time I was down in the city already, all tired, but somehow happy. I got back home for an easy night.

On Sunday I took another walk around the city. It was a good weather, not a cloud in the sky. I just couldn’t miss my chance. You never know when I get sunny day for a walk and taking pictures. I took a new road in a new area, I found a park, got in, sat down and just enjoyed an easy Sunday. It was all good, but then a security guy came and told me to put my camera in my bag. Apparently I was not supposed to take pictures in the park. I didn’t get it. I mean, it’s a public park and I am not allowed to take pictures. Well, welcome to the land down under, where those things apparently are happening.

Monday to Friday was pretty much nothing much. Spanish in the morning, office in the afternoon, dealing with some stuff in the evening and before you know it – it was time to sleep. My school, by the way did it. I got an official decision letter stating that they cannot approve all of my credits and I have to take additional courses. Which, of course, would mess with all of my plans, I am just somehow not ready to do that. So, I did the only thing I could have done – apply for a complaint. We’ll see how that will go.

I spent my weekend pretty easy. There was no secret knock on my doors on Friday night, so no Friday night out thing. I went out on Saturday though. Yes, I was so excited I will see a real local traditional Chilean party. Turns out – it’s just like a Lithuanian party. People come, people sit, people drink drinks [ok, different from Lithuanian party, where people drink mostly alcohol], chat, laugh and go home. Maybe I had too much expectations for the party, maybe I was watching too much movies about barbeque, dances till 9 in the morning and other things.

I also went out for a walk that weekend also. Just took a midnight turn, going anywhere. I walked to one of the oldest churches in the city [or country, can’t remember]

and then starting going up the hill. I thought it must have some panoramic view point, so I kept going. Wasn’t easy, since at some points it was pretty steep. I was going for the mountains, I was hoping to get closer to the mountains. It was working good – I was going there, less and less cars and people, less houses.

I was almost there. But then – oh, just look at that – I was going for the mountains, nature, you know, but what I found was – Shell and Mcdonalds. Yes, apparently, you cannot escape those no matter what. They are everywhere. Just like coke. And no, it’s not an advertisement.

I still haven’t seen the Southern Cross, although my younger brother promised to show it to me, so I am just waiting for the right night. I still haven’t checked that water going down the sink, even though I was already informed several times, it’s only a myth. All in all – life is not that different under the equator. But I just had to see it myself, in order to believe.

Off topic

Tonight I want a beer and a man. To think about it – I want beer more.

I never thought it could happen, but then again – it just did. I would lie if I said I didn’t like it. I would lie if I said I didn’t want more. But then again, I would lie if I said I will do it. I opened the drapes; it’s your turn to fly now. And it still does not make sense at all. It doesn’t add up. Logic has no wings apparently. It was left behind. Care to explain? I just don’t get it. However that turns out, I will still have to very much be thankful for the perfect gift. Didn’t think I will get it so fast and in such a nice wrapper. Too bad, very disposable, but then again – can’t fight city all.

It’s still there. It just does not burn anymore. Like a blown candle. Could we throw it away already?

Why is it always something? Why can it never work out the perfect way? I know, I know, perfect way is boring, on the other hand, sometimes it’s nice to walk even boringly.

/Tik pasilik.. Dar vieną naktį ir visą gyvenimą, tik pasilik/

I got so tired of all of those endless questions in my head I had the whole weekend, I thought I cannot take it anymore. Now I still have questions in my head. At least this time they are all in Spanish.

It was a risky step. I know you placed a comparingly small bet. But you were at that same old casino at the edge of the world. And you placed it when the ratio in the deck was negative. And you won. Amazingly. Maybe I should stop gambling already. Oh, we both know that is not going to happen.

You called me black sheep as if it was a compliment. And now you made me feel one and it does not feel like paradise at all.

///If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might///

19 Aug 2011

.Where the sky is blue. And the stars are not.

Getting to my new living place was a long way. Interesting as well. A lot of time, a lot of lost thoughts, floating around, some sleep, some reading that made me paranoid and a little scared. Interesting trip.

We can start with the last night before the tripping. It was a basketball match Spain-Lithuania. Yes, it was just a friendly game, preparation for the championship, but for us, to whom basketball is a religion, it’s still a huge thing. So we went to the bar to see it. Of course, I managed to find a bar with a crappy signal, so instead of watching first quarter of the game, we only saw a low quality pictures slides. Finally some guy, totally pissed because of the situation got to the thing and, well, I honestly don’t know what he did, so let’s just say he restarted it and finally, we had it all: company, beer, game. Would have been better if at least the result of the game was promising, but oh no, our team lost.

Well, what can you do, you can’t have it all, now can you? We said our last goodbyes and I went back to my mom’s place for the last night in this country. Who knows for how long.

The next morning I woke up early, way too early. With my stomach still asleep and head still spinning [not from the beer from last night, by the way], I packed the very last pieces of my things and we hit the road. First vehicle: my mom’s car. Route: Mom’s place – Kaunas’s bus station. Estimated time: ~15 minutes. No surprises in the station. The bus was almost on time, was late only for a few minutes, I said my goodbyes to my mom and went on the road. Again. Second vehicle: Bus. Rout: Kaunas – Riga international airport. Estimated time: ~4.5 hours. I was doing almost nothing and together whole everything in that bus. I made up my mind then I changed my mind, then I made it up again. Non-stop changes in my head gave me little sickness, so I stuck to reading a book and listening to the good old songs scenario. I knew I have to save my book, but I just couldn’t stop reading it. It grew on me. No, not the same way as Murakami. Somehow it reminded me of myself, even though it has nothing to do with me. It’s about that same old casino on the edge of the world.

I got to the airport. Ok, 5 hours to kill before the plane. That’s not bad, right. Have more hours to kill. Oh, hadn’t we million of hours to kill. 5 hours – piece of cake. I decided to give my check-luggage right away. I mean, why bother to carry 20 extra kilos on me, even if I am walking only around airport. I got to this very interesting guy. He was extremely cheerful, talked to me in all possible languages: Lithuanian, Latvian, English and Russian. We managed to communicate. He didn’t check the weight of any of my bags, just took it, gave me my boarding pass and wished a good trip. Left me with a smile. There still of course are nice people in ex Soviet countries. That guy – is a complete example of that.

Of course saving my book plan did not work out to me. I finished it before I even crossed the securities at the airport. So, knowing that I have some Latvian money with me and being not completely sure what to do with them or when would I actually need them I bought a book. I bought a shitty book, I may add, but it was the choice between shitty and shitty – you take a pick. And it took me good 20 minutes to choose. I’m still not sure if I managed to get better or worse, but who cares now right? I most probably won’t finish it anyways.

My reading plan fell through when I gave in and completely blacked out with sleep. I don’t even completely remember how it happened, but I managed to dream some weird strange things and wake up with a totally messed up head. I look at my watch – who knows how long I slept, but if I recall correctly, it must have been two hours. Two hours in full of people waiting room for the plane!! What if I over slept my plane? I didn’t though. But I got at least a little scared, so decided against playing with my luck and just tried my best not to fall asleep again. I can sleep in the plane. If I don’t wake up when it’s time to leave – they will kick me out. So I’m safe.

So I waited patiently, pretending to be reading a book and reading it from minute to minute. When it was time to board, my eyes caught 4 guys. 3 of them were definitely Japanese [even if I don’t speak the language, I can differentiate it from other Asian languages], all, with all of my sincerity take it, more feminine than I am. Seriously – died hair, make up, skinny jeans [awfully too low, so fantasy has no work anymore], probably fancy and shiny shoes, big sunglasses.. Do I need to keep on going? You got the picture. If that wasn’t enough [I mean, I am tolerant person, you live how you want, just don’t try to change my way of living], but one of them wanted to take my seat. Ok, I don’t really give a damn where to sit, but somehow running a risk of having `no seat` wasn’t that attractive after the Chinese incidence. So I took him out of my seat. Although I can give credit to him about that – he was very nice and gave away my seat right away.

Since I don’t even remember I take it that I fell asleep right away in the plane and slept till we hit the grounds of Paris. I looked at my watch – ok, so we are a little late, which gives me a little less time to get out, find check-in desk, check myself in again and then find another plane. The airport, I may add, is very strange. On the surface it looks like half-balls are all over the place and the whole world boils under ground. It’s a little messy and a little difficult to understand. Luckily I found where to get out, my check-in and the girl, who now actually weighted my hand-luggage [no kidding, according to TAM Brazil airlines rules, I overweighed twice ], but said nothing and just send me to the gates, that are open, and I’m quoting `now`.

It was a big plane [well, of course it should be, we were flying through the Atlantic], and the line to get into the plane was extremely long. I waited. I got bored, so I got myself a small beer. Just as to celebrate, I made it to the plane.

Plane itself surprised me pleasantly. People surprised me also. I remember all those times when you fly to southern countries here it goes: they are walking slow, having way too much luggage, making people-jams and etc. This time – nothing like that. Probably Latin Americans can be fast and efficient. That´s promising. I got to my place, but soon was asked to change it. Well, an older couple wants to sit together – can you blame them? I had my book as a company, I couldn´t care less where to sit. Food was great, as for plane food, the little monitor in front was kind and offered me pretty good kind of movies. I was surprised – not old, boring, not interesting movies. Some of them were actually pretty good. Of course, I didn’t get too much time to watch them all, since the long day finally kicked in and I fell soundly asleep.

It was around 11 hours over Atlantic ocean to Rio de Janeiro. And after, people left in Rio and we, all, who were flying to Sao Paulo [is that the name correctly?], stayed in. It took us around 1.5 hours, people cleaned the aircraft, me and others were just bored. No music, no movies, my book was way too boring for such an early morning, so I just co-existed. Not that much interesting, but at the moment I couldn´t think of anything else better to do. Flight to Sao Paulo was almost 1.5 hours, but after those 11 it felt like a total piece of cake. They also brought us food and I managed to watch a movie and some TV shows. I like TAM airlines.

I got off the plane in Sao Paulo and it was still dark. I didn´t have to wait that longer and it was time to get into another plane. This time – the final one. At least for now. I watched again some movies and I tried not to fall asleep. I know how I can be if I sleep during the day. I didn´t want people in Chile to know that. We took off and it was still almost dark. But then, that one particular moment, I looked through the window [I wasn´t sitting next to it, so it was a little complicated] and I saw one of the most amazing sunrises in my whole life. Brightly pink sky made Steffany made this squeeky noise, which was supposed to be excitement. But the view really was worth a million.

So I got to the place, in one piece, but a little late. While waiting for the passport control, I send a text message to my host-brother that I will be late. At the passport control the guy was very nice, very surprised I was from ´Lituania´, but let me through. My baggage came, so there was left only one thing to worry – customs. I already threw away all of my apples [or so I thought], but I still had some dried herbs and technically – you cannot bring those into the country. I decided to be a good person and ask, if those were ´ok´. The guy told me he ´no hablos ingles´ and send me through the customs. They only said thanks. I am still not sure if I brought the stuff illegally, or is it not fobidden. Now, I guess, I will never know. After a few days, I actually found one apple, hidden in my bag. So apparently, I did bring some illegal stuff with me. Ups.

I got out of the place and was surrounding by cab drivers. I went out and then started thinking – how am I supposed to find my host-brother in this sea of people. And then I heard someone saying my name. Ok, it is definitely not a Spanish name, so it much have been me. I look up and I see him. I didn´t even need to find him – he found me. Later he told me, it was fairly easy with my brightly green sweater. Oh well.

He brought me to his family and I got caught up in the middle of the family thing. His sister was leaving for an exchange the day after, so like a ´goodbye´ lunch was in progress. I sat with family and pretended I am not hopelessly deaf for Spanish languages. I did get some words, but not the whole conversations. It was nice though. I immediately realized why this brother told me they eat a lot of meat. It was a lot of meat on the table. Tasty meat as well. Good I am not a vegetarian.

After dinner the female part of the family took me ´shopping´. My kind of shopping also. It was fast, effective and took no more than 20 minutes. We got back home and I was suggested to get some rest. I thought they were right. Jet-lag was kicking me and I was tired. ´I will lay down for couple of moments only´ - I said to myself. Do I even need to mention that never happened? I woke up in a few hours [I´m guessing though] but I just could´t get up. I´m guessing I missed dinner, farewell party and etc., but at least I caught up on my sleep [or so I thought].

The next day. Everyone went to the airport, to say goodbye to the sister and I went out so I would get to know the area better. Not that much of a use, since we are soon moving [not sure still when though, but it is in progress], but I wanted to know where metro is and where the shop is, in case I will need something and there is no one around. I was promised to find home unlocked around 11:15, so I figured – no problem. So I walked around, fascinated by the mountains that you can see just outside your door.

It was cloudy and foggy, but hey, can´t mistake mountains for anything else, right? I found all I needed and even more. It was a good morning.

I got back around the same 11:15, but no one was at home. Ok, then, I am going for more walk, but honestly, I got tired and started to have some impatient needs. Host-mom came an hour later. Of course, no one could blame her, traffic in Santiago can really be a female dog sometimes. I was only happy I will make it to the office [my official working place and reason why I got here] on time. She even took me to the office, so I don´t get lost. So sweet. And here I went in.

This very sweet lady at the front desk told me something in Spanish and all I could do was smile. I told her I didn´t speak Spanish, but I am here as an intern, so she looked at me and asked: ´And where did your Spanish went?´. Jeees, I thought, I have to learn it fast. She introduced me to a girl, responsible for me, she introduced me to all of the rest, explained me my duties and sat me at my desk.

I was already ready to leave, when they introduced me to these two volunteers, who were planning on going to the movies with other interns and volunteers and invited me to join. Well, I have never been a girl to reject meeting new people, so I went. It was a stranger Wood Allen movie ´Whatever works´. It wasn´t bad, just strange. I enjoyed it, although jet-lag and sleep was kicking in harder than expected. I got back home with metro [thanks to me I walked around in the morning, so I found house with no troubles at all], skipped dinner, skipped everything, went straight to bed. I needed my sleep.

The next day was a little unsuccessful to me. I went to work a little earlier, so I could wonder around the area and find a map. Do I really need to mention that didn´t happen? The place I found on-line turned out to be hotel. If that wasn´t enough, it was closed hotel and so – no map to me. This lead to me coming to the office earlier than expected, but I worked till the end of the day and I finally got back home. I needed to get home this time on time, because my souvenirs and other stuff from Lithuania were waiting for their time to be given to my host-family.

All, except for the elsest son, we sat at the table for some, how they called spaghetti, but I would very much want to call it noodles. Looked completely like noodles from SEA. Made me sentimental again. Arghhh... SEA... Anyways we ate and then I brought my gifts. Mead was not tasted at that moment, so I cannot tell you anything about that. Cake, the next morning, was half gone, so I guess it´s a good sign. Souvenirs were chosen according to people´s likes, so they must have been ok. My jet-lag wasn´t completely over, so I went to bed pretty early. What was happening with me?

The next morning I woke up early, did some Spanish learning and went out. This time I was hoping I got a good address of the tourist information office and my goal was to get back home with a map in my hands. I got lucky. I found the office with a very sweet lady there, she explained me a bit about Santiago, gave me a free map and asked me if I saw it snowing. Of course I didn´t, it was raining, but not snowing. Besides everyone told me not to expect snow in Santiago. So maybe I missed it I thought. I moved on walking in the rain. I was walking, looking up front and thought ´this is weird. This rain is falling in white pieces. Oh. It´s snowing!´ I couldn´t believe my own eyes.

It was actually snowing. In Santiago. When I was there. And I didn´t miss it. I stopped to make a picture. I couldn´t possibly loose it. It was wet snowing, so it was dropping on my camera. Then, out of nowhere some girl came to me and put her umbrella over my camera. Wow, I thought, were else would you experience anything like that? Amazingly nice people.

I moved on, smiling like a peach, watching the snow falling. I got into one store, hoping to get a ticket to the concert. It was easy to buy it and minutes later I held it in my hands. I am going to Eric Clapton´s concert. Oh my, I am actually really going to Eric Clapton´s concert.

It was an awesomely perfect day! I got into the office all happy, because of the ticket, map, snow and all the rest of the things. Then it was time for a Lithuania-Spain friendly basketball game. With no trouble at all I managed to find a website where I could watch it and I had my one eye on it, while working. It hit me, that it´s such a perfect day, would be even better if Lithuanians won. And what do you know? They did! This day was getting better and better by minutes.

After work we took a little walk, went to the metro and I got back to the house. Good day it was today.

The next morning I woke up and got surprised. Not even a cloud in the sky.

I have got to go sightseeing. Who knows when I will get another clear day. So I did. With a map in my pocket and Kryptonite in my ears, I moved around the old town, took pictures, got greeted by strangers, went into a little nice church.

At the end of my walking I climbed on Santa Lucia hill. A small hill in the city center, but with a very nice scenery from it. And with a clear day as today – all of the mountains around the city were clearly visible. It was amazing.

I got into the office even a little late, because of my tripping, but almost on time, so in Chilean time- it´s ok. The day haven´t changed a bit. Still full of sun and happiness.

You know what? I really like it here.

Off topic

It´s not funny, it´s probably more sad, how this song, I accidentally found, is totally about us.

/If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand/

I hear what you are saying, but I also see that even you do not believe it. Something doesn´t add up. Something doesn´t match. Something is up.

I´m not sure anymore if I am willing to clear it all up. I ain´t no don Kichot. I ain´t fighting wind mills.

Money cant buy happiness . . . but somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle.

Place your bet. In that same old casino at the edge of the world. Who knows when they let you in next time. Yeah, I´m still here.

I told you once: ´Take me as I am or watch me as I go´. You call me crazy, but all I can respond is: ´I'm not supposed to be normal... I'm supposed to be me.´

13 Aug 2011

.Take my picture. I feel beautiful tonight.

/Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere/

Times are changing, songs are switching. This time i am not taking midnight train. I‘m taking almost midnight plane, goining, let‘s just call it – somewhere. To the place I have never been. To the place, I can count on my on hand fingers, people I know went. To the land down under. Under the equartor. To experience the different lights and different stars. I am going to Chile.

There‘s just not going to be a city boy, born and raised in Detroit. It‘s just, once again, going to be me and Steffany, going to explore different culture, learn different things, meet different people and live... different life.

/In any other world
You could tell the difference
And let it all unfurl
Into broken remnants

Smile like you mean it
And let yourself let go

Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in/

Once again, I am going away. Leaving the place. Leaving the world, where I thought I lived in. Maybe it will be worse, or maybe it will be better, who knows? However it turns out, it will be so much worth it, I could cry my eyes out. I‘m living now. Even if you plan tomorrow.

I found a song that touched me to the core, gave me memories that aches my heart and gives me smile that only You [yes, You] were able to bring. I am colorblind.

/I am color...blind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am.... fine
I am fine/

Off Topic

If love was a desease, I should have arrest of the bed. Well, what can you say, since Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humour.

They are thinking of closing my old casino. The same old casino on the edge of the world. But I can‘t let it happen. Sure it would be nice and slow, easy and comfortable. But I cannot give up on poker. I have to keep on betting. I have to win my heart back. And I have to loose it again. And I have to win. And I have to keep on gambling.

Hi, You know my name and I am a gambler.

.The perfect love. If you promised to be my building, I would be your awry stick-man.

P.S. Can I be completely honest with You? This is exactly what I am afraid of. Do I need to mention my sixth sense hardly ever lies?

There you are
Lookin' just the same as you did,
Do you love him
as much as I love her
And will that love be strong
When old feelings start to stir
Looks like we made it
Left each other on the way,
To another love
Looks like we made it
Love's so strange
Could I ever let you go
Oh, no...we made it
Left each other, on the way
To another love
Looks like we made it

9 Aug 2011

.Somewhere. Over the rainbow.

.For the days that turn into nights and for the friends that turns into family.

Yes I am repeating it for quite some time and it’s not even that special, but it means something. Well, ok, it means something to me, maybe not to you.

My life reached other level. Heights, in fact. Things are happening, things are changing, I am leaving and it actually gets me. It’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong, although getting the feeling that JOLG’a is not going to be around the times you need and the times you don’t – is a down side of this whole situation.

And still JOLG’a ir rocking, no matter how in the different sides of the world it will be happening.


I found a new almost favorite hobby. Shopping. And no, you don’t have to laugh that hard. I can do shopping. I can also do fun shopping. And I am actually pretty good at that. Of course, my shopping is way different from the one that normal people have in mind.

My first fun shopping experience was way back. Don’t remember when exactly but it was still hot day, I was still optimistic about my school not messing things up for me and writing my thesis when I got a call from a friend, a.k.a. invitation for shopping. I wasn’t a big fan of shopping at the moment, but anything is better than just sitting in on a Saturday afternoon and boring yourself to death with the thesis thing. So I went out. First we had a small walk, then went into couple of shops for a little tiny bit of the time. And then it was a time for beer. We went to this Italian place, I don’t recall a name, but it was perfect. The storm came just in the middle of our eating, but it only made the whole day more memorable. So anyways, we ordered some Italian gorgeous taste soup [can taste be gorgeous by the way?] and went for the beer. The bartender turned out to be a very talkative and very nice guy. He made us beers in a special kind of way, talked with us about Italy, Italian food and coffee and everything. Very nice indeed, made us even happier with the shopping afternoon. We sat, we ate, drank and talked. It was awesome. We even decided to try that great `real Italian tasting` coffee the bartender said he knows how to make. If you believe what my shopping partner says – it was awesome coffee, the best espresso she had in Lithuania. If you ask me – I am not that good in tasting differences, but it was a good coffee. The bartender told us next time we come – coffee will be on the house. Well, isn’t that just wonderful? We left him with a smile and we left with even bigger ones.

Ok, beer – check, shopping needs to be done. We entered couple of more shops. We even bought couple of things. Yes, it maybe took us 75 minutes for beer and 15 minutes with shops, but who’s counting?

We entered another shopping mole. Once again – several shops entered – check. Time for another beer. We went into this pancakes kind of place, ordered a pancake each and a beer. Once again, sitting, talking, chatting. Fun shopping, no doubts there. Our waiter, once again, an interesting guy. He was a friendly person, he talked and joked with us. He was even entertaining himself buy frightening me, since I had my back turned to the waiters’/waitresses’ area, and coming from the back and saying something in a low frightening voice. Anyways, it was fun.

And the best part – we did the shopping. And it lasted for a long time. And it was fun. And we bought some stuff and we had a great time. Awesome. Somehow I feel a need for the same type of experience.

The second shopping happened pretty recently. And the best part of it – loads of stuff bought without even leaving your room. Yes, it’s a virtual, on-line shopping. And for me – a total freshman in the field, it was extremely lucky one. So I made my list, send it to my friend [who did the major purchasing part] and waited for the things to arrive. And they did – lucky for me, before my departure.

I went to pick up my stuff. Everything fitted, we made a little fashion show, trying on things, laughing and talking and decided to go and celebrate this with a beer. It turned out into a very nice and fun night. Girls night out, a lot of talks of the boys..

I went home smiling and thinking about how damn pinky happy I am. And then I thought of a friend. A friend I haven’t seen for ages and started wondering how she was. And how many times it happens? I see her walking towards me in the street. Out of nowhere. Just there. Unbelievable.

I ended up going to sleep with a broad huge smile on my face. Unbelievable I thought. This is what I call good days. This is what can be considered to be a fantastic shopping.


We had a farewell girls-night-out. As if I was leaving somewhere. First we had a plan, then we had an additional sort of plan. Finally – we ended up with no plan, but great planning.

Started with a nice, kinda romantic, silent place with a nice overview. Easy, chill. Nice. Then we went for a meal place, had a fantastic pizza in a nice atmospheric space. It was nice, but it was a bit too pricy for our taste, so we moved. We moved to a small, cozy place with cheap beer, nice bartender, good French fries, big turtle in a tiny aquarium and on top of that – basketball game! Do I need to mention we stayed in for the whole game? Of course at the very end Lithuania lost by 2 points, but the game was still nice.

Going to the separate corners is always a pain in one place after you have such an awfully awesome time. But some of us had to work the next day, some of us had a plumbing emergencies.. so we took a cab to my place, where I left my bags with my girls and went to sleep, once again, with a huge smile on my face.

I’ve got friends. Yeah, I’ve got friends. In your face, amigo.

And you know what – I will be coming back. For more. And I will live a perfect awesomely chaotic life. And I will love it. Just like I love it now. They say your adventure has begun. Mine is getting to the new levels. Who knows where to stop?


Some things change or doesn’t change, I cannot tell, but experiencing them again [or freshly from the very beginning] is exciting every single time. And I did. I did them I enjoyed and it was, once again, an interesting experience all over again. Somewhat known, somewhat new. Strange feeling, just like being a character in Murakami’s book.


Girls and nights.

Friday night started itself promising. I managed to wake up earlier than normally, go to the office, check who is coming to work early, very early, go back to the living area and finally get driven to work in a fancy-carry way. The work was, I am not going to surprise anyone, nothing too special. Although it ended soon enough and I was driven back to the city in the same fancy-carry way. Aren’t I just a lucky kid?

Ok, so since my ordinary B&B place was already shut for the weekend, I joined my girls. W started our night with conversation over ice-cream and cocktails, then girls got ready and we hit the road. We ate lasagna [pretty perfect taste, by the way] in the `small hoof` kind of alcohol-free tiny restaurant. It was great and if you ever feel a need for a real good tasting Italian food – you should definitely go to that place [and not, they do not pay me for the marketing services].

The night was swinging back and forth, bringing us from one cozy bar to another, where we played some table football, had some drinks, moved to another bar, played some table football, had some drinks. And so at the end of one of the parts of it, we decided to split. On our way home we entered the best-worst food place: Mcdonalds. Just a simple passionate need for a junk food won us over. We got back to her place, opened a bottle of wine and enjoyed it with burgers and night sky, full of shiny stars and a conversation, that just cannot be ended at an appropriate hour.

We went to sleep. Two hours later we woke up. Not happy, not relaxed. Very tired and very sleepy. But, the new day was about to begin and we had to start it. Somehow. Morning was freshening and very nice. Early, very early morning with sun coming up, no people around, just birds and some cats. It was almost as if you are in the nowhere land, even if we were in the city center. Anyways, we separated in the station – she moved to the bus, I joined the train-waiters.

My day was a little busy and those 2 hours of sleep didn’t help a bit. I got my license [now I can officially kill myself in the roads. Ironic isn’t it – I had a request not to do that before we meet and now there is no meet].,

Getting mixed up in the circles

I got a haircut, I made some more things and went to watch a basketball game. My naïve and optimistic head was sure – just a basketball game, one beer and I am going home, to sleep and this whole weekend will not be totally sleepless. Could I be any more wrong? Basketball was followed by a little Frenchy conversation and some laughs, that was followed by B.O. [a.k.a. still THE best place in Kaunas to hang out] and then finally – nostalgic kind of new-old place. All-in-all I got back home later than I thought from the very beginning, but it ended being a pretty good night. I met a guy I haven’t seen for ages and it was fun to talk through the lives of ours, even if only for a little bit.

As if two hours of last night wasn’t enough, the next morning, a.k.a. on Sunday I woke up way too early, way too sleepy. Well, whatever, I had stuff I needed to do. I went to the shop, I found a sword, full of soap bubbles. Not just for me – for my friend as well. Later that day I got a call. From a friend. We were supposed to meet up at some point, but honestly, I didn’t think we would find the exact time when we both could do it. But we did. A short meet up thing turned into couple of hours and I have to say – it was awesome. He was tired, I was tired, but we had great conversations and it was very much fun being around him. It’s just like when you meet someone and you don’t want it to end. When he drove me to my mom’s place and dropped me off, I only could say `let’s do it again. I very much want that`. And I am very much hoping that we will. I mean, I will still have ~3 days in the same city as he – the lightning might strike twice, therefore, we might meet again.

I spent the evening pretty chilly – going to the store, buying some stuff, going back to my friend’s place, watching couples series of classic and with no doubts the best TV show `Friends` and went to sleep.

The other lightning stroke the next day – a.k.a. The Black Monday. It was a bad day alright. It ended pretty damn great, but it doesn’t make the fact, that it was a bad day at all. If it was only a bad day, I could maybe live with it, but it is bringing some baggage with it to my tomorrow, and me no like it. Anyways, I made the almost best of it: I met my girls for the very last time. We had the very last talk and laugh. We ate an awesome burger [I want one again, by the way], we talked things through, we said our goodbyes for the probably last time this time and separated to the corners.

I wasn’t about just to let it hang. I needed to get it out of the system. I was going crazy. The lightning stroke heavier than expected. I got back to my friend’s place and then it all started rolling. I talked to my friend I haven’t seen for ages and I need to see, but she is 350 kilometers away. I talked to another friend and we started making fake `let’s travel together` plans, then a brilliant idea about possibility of going to meet the first friend came, that was followed by a conversation and boom – we are going out for beers. Sure, that’s just a great idea to start the week and finish Monday. On the other hand – it was The Black Monday, I had white card for it. Anything I did could have been used against me that day. Not that I did anything bad or something.

Off topic.

It is not jealousy. But something definitely is. It’s not good, it’s not ok. It can’t last, although it seems as it will. It’s going to be a mistake, but there is no way someone can be saved from the mistakes he/she wants to make.

Do it. I do not care anymore. No, it’s a lie. I do care. And not because I wanted or still want this. It’s because you don’t want. Or do you?

Is it still possible? I caught myself wondering. It feels right, but it also feels definitely wrong. I wanted this for I don’t even remember how long. And yet again, it was always unwritten law. Not this way. Not like that. Almost as if forever in our world always meant never. Well, you do the math, I’ll go collect the tomatoes.

Here and there again. The same old casino. It’s the very same casino at the edge of the world. You are sitting in front of me, smiling. No wait, you are not at the same old casino. You are somewhere far away. Here’s my chance. Here’s my damn only chance I’ve got in this same old casino. Like almost breaking the spell. I place my highest bet – my heart. I know I will win. You are not here. There is no one to mess it up. I will win. Therefore I am placing my highest bet.

A tap on a shoulder. And my heart goes away. I lost. I lost it all again. Once again, I am being dragged and kick out from the casino. There is no way back.

Please tell me there is a back door. I need to get back in. I cannot stay on this side of the door. I need to get inside.

-And the irony is: I am right now reading a book about how to win. Not to loose. But I don’t want to win. I just want to get back.-

/Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere/

And I will never give up on Love. It just doesn‘t matter. And it‘s not worth it. I will never give up. And I will never stop believing. I only hope I will get my chances right up straight.


5 Aug 2011

.Something more.

I don't need pink glasses or green eyes no more. I've got three turkey physiognomies instead.

**** it. I still need my green eyes.

More coming.

1 Aug 2011

.She's one of them.

A little understanding of me actually leaving pretty soon is getting on me. I spend the last weekend packing and unpacking and packing again. First real kick about leaving – I have to leave my apartment. And even though I have been living here only for 5 months, it was my home. And it was good home. And now, all packed, leaving for some days to a friend’s, then back to Kaunas, then packing and unpacking again and then – au revoir tout le monde.

Once again it made me realize how much stuff I got. It’s unbelievable, every time I pack, it’s more and more of the things. And this time – it’s seems as if all of it is kind of necessary, no useless stuff. I can live on the road in one backpack with no trouble at all, but in here.. Somehow things are accumulating.

Anyways, 14 days left. Am I boring with my counting?

I started on my countdown and making `to do before leave` list. It’s long. And half of the things I don’t seem to be able to do. And the other half is still suspended for the better times. I still got work to do and still once I’m out of work, every authority I need is closed, so.. I’m just hoping my two days will be enough after I quit. Just need to make that list clean and clear. Maybe tomorrow.

Nothing much else is happening really. Well, I’m starting to make the max out of my life in the land down under, but it does not work too well to me. I went out with some people one day, met this guy, who just got back from that land down under, so we got engaged into the conversation about it. Made me feel wanting to go there even more. Made him feel jealous [or at least that’s what he said]. Me, on the other hand, I don’t know. I’m excited, that’s for sure, but also, it seems so little time. Although it’s clear really that if it’s going to be that fantastic as I am sure it will, I can always take the possibility to go back. Too soon to tell, that’s for sure. So far – it’s still pretty damn exciting to just go there. And what happens – happens. Plan less, live more, experience it all and go to sleep smiling.

Off Topic

You know those things people say about you that really touches you? The ones that make you even believe it, because of the sincerity it brought with itself. `You smell like love`.

-Have you got a Twitter account? Yes, yes, I do. Do you have a MySpace account? Well, of course I do. Do you have a Facebook? How without a facebook? Do you have a life? Well, I signed for it, but hardly ever use it.-

And yes, it’s a joke. One of those, 50% truth kind of jokes. I may be existing in life, but you are living on a facebook. Well, now, it could be or soon will be possible, you will be living on a google+, and still your life account is hardly being used. Well, as long as you have all the rest, maybe leaving this one untouched is not the worst option.

How often does it happen? She gets married and she thinks she gets `the loving husband and the father of her children`, while he thinks he gets `a full package of cleaner-cooker-lover`.

He tries to drive straight to hit desired destination. Fast, speeding the limit, wanting this more than anything else in the world. When right there, in front of the gates, there is a `do not disturb` sign on the heart. What does he do? Does he turn? Does he go?

Funny how usually the person you would take the bullet for is the one behind the trigger.

You got to love some people‘s openess to the world. `A citizen of Africa`. No comments.

In any other world you can tell the difference. Smile like you mean it and let yourself let go. Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in. –I never ever I forget my story. My face is not sad, but inside – I am sad-.

It is an art to let it go. It is a valuable skill to walk away on time. Sometimes it‘s for the best no to hold on to it. Sometimes it‘s better just to let it go, while it‘s still too perfect to believe it is true. Cause once you on that very top – the only way you can go is down.

Will you climb to that mountain with me?

I just ripped off my list. 9 years of collection and just like that – i just ripped it. Doesn‘t mean anything anymore. I don‘t care about any more of the firsts. It‘s the very last one that counts.

`Don‘t waste your time for that on the other side of the world`.