It’s Easter and I’m spending it in bed. Alone. I don’t even have eggs [coloured ones or just regular] in the house. I am not going to lie – I do feel lonely a bit. No friends, no family, no mild or serious affairs. Nothing, just a plain nothing. And I am in the middle of it. I don’t feel particularly bad. Just as someone who is slightly depressed, I guess. I don’t even want to get out of bed or do something. I just want to stay there, wait while my thesis are magically gonna be done without me lifting a finger and then go, go away. For who knows how long and who knows where. To experience who knows what and meet who knows who.
You could say I am not in the best mood at the moment.
Nothing else is changing here. I cured myself, thanks to tones of ginger/lemon/honey tea and lots of time in bed. I worked the other days, so not so much time for anything else. Sadly enough – it’s the same plan for the next few weeks. With a little exception of Geneva trip and maybe another little trip to a non known location yet.
I’m trying to get myself to reading but it’s just isn’t happening. I just don’t want to. I know I have to, but motivation has taken negative speed. It just ain’t going anywhere, like a stubborn three year old.
I forced myself to shop and later on, who knows, maybe I will make myself to respond to some e-mails that are long due. I just have no mood for it. And I am not sure where to get extra.
Moving in two months. A little scared, but it cannot be worse, definitely. So, maybe it’s for the best.
And that? I don’t know. One day I wake up and it’s alright. Another time I wake up and it’s tearing me apart. I want to believe and I believe. But living with it is just not easy. Sometimes too difficult to handle. I’m about to crack really. What kind of a stupid thing I will do this time?
I got my perfect love back. And now I feel safer somehow. Just like with the dipper constellation. Calms me down.
I want to say no more. But I don’t want to lie. And that does not even convince myself.