27 Apr 2011

.Talk a little.

I am not a big fan of Christian holidays, since I don’t consider myself a religious person at all, but I have to say – Easter is becoming more and more meaningful to me personally each year. I am becoming a bit Greekish [no, not geekish, Greekish, referring to the people from country, which, for a long time, was known as the place to which I owed my heart and my paradise], where Easter is the biggest holiday of the year. I got a little sad once again I couldn’t make it to Alex’s offer to come and have a big fat Greek Easter. Maybe another time, another year, that is, if Alex will invite me again.

My Easter experience started at work, well, at my client’s office, where I got a small souvenir for the Easter. It was so nice and people are so friendly there, makes an amazing atmosphere there. After the working hours, we, girls hit the buses, I got to another stop, where I met some more girls and we hit the road – towards the sea. Monika, my sweetie from long life in Denmark, was there too, so we had a non-stop chatting till Kaunas and a huge traffic jam. We decided to take a quick way through the city [yeah, sounds illogical, I know] and it actually worked. Took much less time for the girls than they would have spent in a jam.

So there I was, back at my mom’s place, doing mostly nothing that evening, just helping for my mother and trying to pass some tests. Tomorrow was supposed to be the big day for me – I was supposed to make a first, but very important step towards becoming an officially legal driver of a motorbike. Do I need to mention that my luck strike like a lighting bolt?

I came to the place, I was very nice, I paid for the test, I got back to the office, gave all of the necessary documentation for the lady and just waited for `just sit here and wait`. That never came up. Instead of that I heard `you cannot take the test?` You should have seen my face at that moment, I was so lost, sad, messed up, completely out of my mind. She tried to explain me why and what and all I could do was trying to hold myself together. I didn’t even have any strength to fight, discuss, go into the compromises, I only took `you can come and take the test on August 13th` even perfectly knowing that it’s way too late and went out. Miserable and lost, I was trying to think of another plan. Sure, I can try another city, maybe people will forget about me being not exactly permanent resident. Sure, of course, I can try buying it as well, but I wanted to do it right. I wanted to learn and then to pass the tests and then to earn it.

I already almost made my `from plan B to plan K` list of possible actions when I got a call. It was the same woman, who did not let me take the test. My guess is, she felt guilty and wanted to help me. So she told me I could come another time, bring in some more documentation from my work and then I could take it. It was like the best Easter present ever. Even with a messed up plans, that I will have to rearrange, at least I got back my hope to get my license.

Of course, my luck like to torture me from time to time, so now, when I asked for that form from work, I got a reply that is will most probably be done on Monday. Monday.. that’s like 2 days after the day I actually need it. Well, this is just getting better and better every time. There is still a little chance I will get it earlier, but I am not counting much on that. Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, I guess, one week sooner or later.. nothing I can do, really.

Ok, after all that inner drama, I experienced, I met my crazy dream team from Nida [well, half of it, anyways] at some spot in Kaunas. It was great really – amazing people, endless talks, laughs till your stomach starts ache, jokes that can only be understood by us, eating bagels with chocolate cream, drinking tea and sharing some childish toys. It was amazing afternoon, A+ grade for sure.

After that amazing afternoon I was supposed to meet Wytcka, since he only came back to Lithuania for couple of days. Our date, as we were talking about, did not happened, but we made a little turn towards some nice nature place and talked, laughed and enjoyed one beer each with him, Goda and Mariukučiukutukas. Once again, we all are such different people, but we get along great. Talking about what is happening in our lives, laughing out loud from the jokes that normally would probably not sound funny. It was awesome.

If that wasn‘t enough, me and Goda prolonged our day and sat in for a beer and our girly conversation. We did not want to go home, but we both knew we have to. We separated with a promise to repeat it at some point soon.

The next day was the real Easter day. I had a very traditional kind of thing for Lithuanians: eggs, breakfast, dinner, lunch, and lots of stupid TV. I had more than that though. Once again, almost as a tradition, me and Inga went for a walk in our best place ever. Did I ever mention that place? It’s some sort of a slope with a panoramic view to the city, where we used to walk since we were kids. Not only walk, but also talk, share secrets, talk of the boys, comfort each other.. Endless list, really. We always joke that if those benches in there could speak, they would have a lot to say about us. So it was, once again, an amazing walk, when time is ticking and you wish if stopped, at least for a little bit.

For the evening/night shift we met with Simona. One more person, who only came back to Lith for couple of days, so it was almost mandatory for us to meet. So we did. We found a cozy, fabulous place, had our talk about everything and everyone and.. well, that’s just how we do it. It was fantastic ending of my Easter really. Now I really want to quit everything, buy some tickets to where she lives and go there. For couple of days, maybe a week, just to enjoy a company of a truly great people. Who knows, I am crazy enough, I may actually go after such a plan.

Ok, so Monday was the last day and I spend it helping my mom with some stuff. Just tried to be a good kid for a change. After that – it was time for me to go home. I got into the same car with the same girls who headed back to the capital from the seaside and here it started again – endless talks, laughs and etc.

We got back, separated each to her own place, but minutes later we met with Ieva again. There was a need for a conversation, so instead for settling for `sometime`, we settled for `right now`. The plan was simple and innocent enough – we only had to meet, talk, have a beer and go separate ways, sleep before the long working day. Do I need to mention that did not work? It started all fine and simple. But before we knew it, one beer turned out into more and I got back home when I had officially only 4 hours of sleep before I had to wake up. It was worth it though, no regrets there, it was a great night, but just the next day was harder than it could have been. Well, happens right?

All the rest is business as usual. Getting back into routine.

Off Topic

Nothing much to add really. My wish, that I left in the wishing tree in HK may be coming to come true sooner. Maybe sooner than I have thought. That will be my Christmas/Easter/Birthday in one day. Too bad, for a short run only. But, better than nothing right?

I got to thinking, this one day, what I want to do with my life. Yes, I still don’t know, it’s all blurry and haven’t changed for ages. I got this one thing figured though. In my head, of course, we cannot know where we will end up at the end, but this little piece of my puzzle is giving me hope – maybe I will finish my picture after all.

I opened to belief again. I might get slapped in the face pretty hard, but what the hell. It’s worth it.

I feel like I need to make a promise to myself. It’s hard though. I don’t want to disappoint myself, so I am very much undecided. Should I? Should I do it?

/Why ruin a perfectly good flower, when you know for a fact, that he loves you NOT?/

19 Apr 2011

.Blood Tears and Gold.

I got caught up in my eternal circle. Pretty boring, pretty scheduled and pretty nothing much exciting is happening anymore. I feel an urgent need for an adventure. Where do they sell tickets for adventures?

My work is still there. Well, technically not there anymore. Now it’s out there. Yes, I’ve been sold out. Now I have to take 3 buses to the place, get up inappropriately early and stay in the place where my colleagues are not. It’s not bad though – I think I’m going to like it there.

All the rest is just as usually. I am trying to learn something and pass tests so I could get a motorcycle license. This was fun, really. I needed a health kind of card for it. I phoned maybe 10 offices and they all could not help me. They either don’t provide services as such, or they won’t accept me or any other kind of stuff. Desperate I called to one official clinic and they told me `just come and we will do it`. That sounded promising, so I went. It was interesting. I met this older women, who was very nice, checked main things about me, asked me why I am doing this in this city and not in another one, why I want a motorcycle license and send me to another room. That one was even better – a woman just asked me if I was healthy and signed my form. Another one asked me if I hear ok and then signed it too. So I went back to the first woman, she send me away with `drive safe and have fun`. The last one first asked me to promise I am not going to get a bike license. She didn’t buy `I’ll be careful` from me and told me she would not sign that kind of the form for her grand-son. She signed it for me though, wished me a good day and let me go. I was one step closer to the danger. And I have to admit, I loved the feeling.

My slow go with my thesis is still constant. It’s moving forward but still slow. I managed to kick my ass and start working on it single-mindedly. A crazy thought crossed my mind – maybe I will finish it after all.

All the rest is as usual. I am meeting my friends from time to time, when we enjoy endless talks and shows and everything. It’s amazing, we never run out of topics to talk about. Last night we went to a stupid/romantic/American comedy. None of us expected anything much out of it, but it was awesome. I haven’t laughed this hard for a long time already. `just go with it` - recommended.

All of that keeps me kind of busy. Not much time for anything else. I like it somehow. It’s much better than doing nothing. But I got a little time for myself, so I could get back to my old good, still the best with no exception `Sex and the City`. No matter how stupid you might think it is, I love it. It gives me some good insights as well.

And I also still keep on reading. Not as much as I wished though, but I am not going to throw this one away. It’s Murakami again and I am loving it. It starts to hit me that maybe I am reading too much of it, since it is almost literally is driving me crazy. Somehow he manages to get into my most fragile thoughts of my mind. And it makes me fragile. I just don’t want to break down.

Off topic

It was a crazy night when I got my wakeup call - I brought it on myself. It’s amazing, but it’s true. I programmed it myself. And I still don’t want to take the blame.

I’m a weirdo even to myself. Amazing, really. It took me some time – but I got here.

My inner organs are waking up. It might be just me, or it might be a red flag. I don’t know. I know what I want, but that ain’t enough. I’m starting to feel like I’m loosing it.

It’s somewhat better now. I just honestly hope it’s not too good. And I honestly just hope I have learned my lesson. Did I?