It’s been a tough month when I honestly can say, from
the depths of my heart – I have no idea how I have been. Lost and confused
would probably explain it the best. It’s been a roller coaster ride, I have to
say. Did I mention I am still on it?
One month.
In the whole time I managed to keep on forcing myself
going to school. Remember that thing, the thesis thing I came for back to Copenhagen
originally? Well, I have been working on it. I really have. Sadly I am stuck
now and don’t know which direction or how to move from here. And I’m trying, I really
am, but just don’t want to take a wrong turn and then have all this time wasted
for nothing. Taking a wrong turn only works sometimes and mostly only
literally, while hiking.
It took me some time and lots of courage, but I managed
to press `send` when wrote an e-mail to my professor asking for his help. It’s
been ages since the last time we spoke and I can only hope he is still willing
to be my supervisor. So now I wait. I am just sitting here, waiting for him to
respond positively and giving me some feedback, so I could try and dig myself
out of this. So far – nothing. But I am optimistic. It has to work, one way or
the other. And now I start to want to finish and leave as soon as possible. It’s
getting too hard to stay.
Questions and questions. No answers. Okay, that’s not
true. Answers exists, but not the ones anyone would like to hear. How much more
can one person survive?
Besides going crazy, losing it and collecting it
again, I had one affair with Amsterdam. Only for days, but I needed that time
like crazy.
It started innocently enough, over a cup of tea on a
Christmassy night back in Lithuania, where me and my friend decided that we are
still young and still crazy and if we need to see Muse, then we need to see
Muse. We got the tickets. I booked my flights and on the 2nd of June
I got on the plane. One short flight later I was met by Rick at the airport and
this time with no troubles with trains, we got to his place. It was not that
late of an evening, but we decided it’s best if we stayed in. Dinner, beers and
chilly but very nice night in the balcony with endless conversations was a very
good beginning for my stay.
The next day we walked through the red light district
[my third time in Amsterdam, but first time to see THE girls], a little around
the center and I was left at the photography exhibition. After I was done
admiring pictures, I met up my friend, we went to this Belgium beer place and
had our as always exciting conversation. Later on Rick joined and Nadia
together with her boyfriend and cousin. It was so much fun! We talked, we
laughed, I had different kind of beers. It was nice to see how those people,
who mostly have not seen each other before, can get along so great. At the end
of the night we hugged goodbyes and went home.
On the big THE MUSE, BABY day I was walking in the
center by myself, just admiring those small canals and being with myself and by
book [`We need to talk about Kevin`. Good stuff]. At the agreed time I went to
pick up my friend and there we went – to the huge Amsterdam ArenA and waited
for the concert.
It was… I am not kidding… To die for. It was totally
worth buying the expensive tickets, flying to Amsterdam and taking time off
work and anything else I could have done in the mean time. The concert was
amazing, they really give it 100 percent. All the monitors, changing colours,
videos, actors, songs and sounds… Oh the sounds. Really – you had to be there
if you wanted to understand what it is. From all I have seen [and I have seen a
few], this was the best concert. Maybe it had to do something with the fact
that I was with a good friend there or the fact that I could sing along to most
of the songs, but even if not that – the show was amazing. I’m so happy I got
to see them.
The next, really sunny and nice day, I spent in the
center, most of the time just chilling and reading my book in the park. In the
afternoon I met this girl that we kept bumping into each other in South America
and we had a very lovely time. We stayed in the park till late, enjoying sun
and prosecco, then went to have a delicious big burger and then made a little
after party at her place. In the end, I had another little `after party` with
Rick in his balcony again, but since it was the last night we had to talk about
all those things we wanted to talk, I figured, as long as I’m on vacation, I can
do this.
And lastly, on my last day, feeling a little sick, I just
went to see Inga for the last time on her lunch break and packing, buying some
hagelslag [whatever you call those small pieces of chocolate you put on
sandwiches] and taking tram, then train, getting on the plane and getting back
to the real life.
Questions, questions, questions.
After I got back, one day my friend was visiting for a
little bit, so we had a beer in Nyhavn and catching up. Another night, I met my
friend for a quick catching up and ended up in the center till the morning. On the
bright side, we had a good talk, he showed me a very nice Belgium beer place
[for the days or nights when I terribly miss rodenbach].
All the rest is all the same. I finished `we need to
talk about Kevin`, started on what people call `dirty book` [I feel like Rachel
from `Friends when Joey was telling her `You’ve got porn`], `Fifty shades of
grey`. I am still going to school even though now it’s just mainly to I could
get and answer from my professor and getting slowly ready for my trip back
home. Hopefully getting my pictures from my old HDD, getting my teeth checked,
my hair cut, meeting my friends and participating in the wedding, hopefully
getting to cook something tasty with my mom and look at that – one third of the
summer will be long gone by then.
Off Topic
I don’t know what to say anymore. It’s like I’m
fighting with my own demons in addition to helping you to fight with yours and
in the end – it’s all my fault.
I’m losing it.
In the cases like this one – I hate being right. And yet
again, I am.
There’s nothing left to say now. Imagine dragons shout
in my ears. At least in November they are going to shout in my ears literally.
Oh, have I not mentioned that? I’m going. And for a
brief moment there, I thought you would be joining. I guess I just can’t catch
a break.
If a girl with a dragon tattoo couldn’t handle it, how
do you expect me to?
