It’s been a tough month when I honestly can say, from the depths of my heart – I have no idea how I have been. Lost and confused would probably explain it the best. It’s been a roller coaster ride, I have to say. Did I mention I am still on it?
In the whole time I managed to keep on forcing myself going to school. Remember that thing, the thesis thing I came for back to Copenhagen originally? Well, I have been working on it. I really have. Sadly I am stuck now and don’t know which direction or how to move from here. And I’m trying, I really am, but just don’t want to take a wrong turn and then have all this time wasted for nothing. Taking a wrong turn only works sometimes and mostly only literally, while hiking.
It took me some time and lots of courage, but I managed to press `send` when wrote an e-mail to my professor asking for his help. It’s been ages since the last time we spoke and I can only hope he is still willing to be my supervisor. So now I wait. I am just sitting here, waiting for him to respond positively and giving me some feedback, so I could try and dig myself out of this. So far – nothing. But I am optimistic. It has to work, one way or the other. And now I start to want to finish and leave as soon as possible. It’s getting too hard to stay.
Questions and questions. No answers. Okay, that’s not true. Answers exists, but not the ones anyone would like to hear. How much more can one person survive?
Besides going crazy, losing it and collecting it again, I had one affair with Amsterdam. Only for days, but I needed that time like crazy.
It started innocently enough, over a cup of tea on a Christmassy night back in Lithuania, where me and my friend decided that we are still young and still crazy and if we need to see Muse, then we need to see Muse. We got the tickets. I booked my flights and on the 2nd of June I got on the plane. One short flight later I was met by Rick at the airport and this time with no troubles with trains, we got to his place. It was not that late of an evening, but we decided it’s best if we stayed in. Dinner, beers and chilly but very nice night in the balcony with endless conversations was a very good beginning for my stay.
The next day we walked through the red light district [my third time in Amsterdam, but first time to see THE girls], a little around the center and I was left at the photography exhibition. After I was done admiring pictures, I met up my friend, we went to this Belgium beer place and had our as always exciting conversation. Later on Rick joined and Nadia together with her boyfriend and cousin. It was so much fun! We talked, we laughed, I had different kind of beers. It was nice to see how those people, who mostly have not seen each other before, can get along so great. At the end of the night we hugged goodbyes and went home.
On the big THE MUSE, BABY day I was walking in the center by myself, just admiring those small canals and being with myself and by book [`We need to talk about Kevin`. Good stuff]. At the agreed time I went to pick up my friend and there we went – to the huge Amsterdam ArenA and waited for the concert.
It was… I am not kidding… To die for. It was totally worth buying the expensive tickets, flying to Amsterdam and taking time off work and anything else I could have done in the mean time. The concert was amazing, they really give it 100 percent. All the monitors, changing colours, videos, actors, songs and sounds… Oh the sounds. Really – you had to be there if you wanted to understand what it is. From all I have seen [and I have seen a few], this was the best concert. Maybe it had to do something with the fact that I was with a good friend there or the fact that I could sing along to most of the songs, but even if not that – the show was amazing. I’m so happy I got to see them.
The next, really sunny and nice day, I spent in the center, most of the time just chilling and reading my book in the park. In the afternoon I met this girl that we kept bumping into each other in South America and we had a very lovely time. We stayed in the park till late, enjoying sun and prosecco, then went to have a delicious big burger and then made a little after party at her place. In the end, I had another little `after party` with Rick in his balcony again, but since it was the last night we had to talk about all those things we wanted to talk, I figured, as long as I’m on vacation, I can do this.
And lastly, on my last day, feeling a little sick, I just went to see Inga for the last time on her lunch break and packing, buying some hagelslag [whatever you call those small pieces of chocolate you put on sandwiches] and taking tram, then train, getting on the plane and getting back to the real life.
Questions, questions, questions.
After I got back, one day my friend was visiting for a little bit, so we had a beer in Nyhavn and catching up. Another night, I met my friend for a quick catching up and ended up in the center till the morning. On the bright side, we had a good talk, he showed me a very nice Belgium beer place [for the days or nights when I terribly miss rodenbach].
All the rest is all the same. I finished `we need to talk about Kevin`, started on what people call `dirty book` [I feel like Rachel from `Friends when Joey was telling her `You’ve got porn`], `Fifty shades of grey`. I am still going to school even though now it’s just mainly to I could get and answer from my professor and getting slowly ready for my trip back home. Hopefully getting my pictures from my old HDD, getting my teeth checked, my hair cut, meeting my friends and participating in the wedding, hopefully getting to cook something tasty with my mom and look at that – one third of the summer will be long gone by then.
I don’t know what to say anymore. It’s like I’m fighting with my own demons in addition to helping you to fight with yours and in the end – it’s all my fault.
I’m losing it.
In the cases like this one – I hate being right. And yet again, I am.
There’s nothing left to say now. Imagine dragons shout in my ears. At least in November they are going to shout in my ears literally.
Oh, have I not mentioned that? I’m going. And for a brief moment there, I thought you would be joining. I guess I just can’t catch a break.
If a girl with a dragon tattoo couldn’t handle it, how do you expect me to?