25 Oct 2012

°I'm dreaming of the white Christmas°

In the last 48 hours I have been working 32. You do the math, I will just rest.

It’s my fault really. Not being able to say no, when someone asks. Especially when I know that if they ask, they need me. Anyways, does not matter anymore. In the next 48 hours I will probably only work 17 hours. And it’s going to be okay.

I have been having these strange dreams. So real, that my head keeps on spinning after I wake up and makes me wonder. I do not remember most of them, but those are not nightmares. Still, from the looks of the blankets, those are not easy dreams. I wake up and my bed is messed up, almost like never.

I’m tired. Not of everything, but just of the recent non-stop doing and going and doing and going. And I would kill right now for a cup of hot chocolate, feet massage and good movie. Sadly enough, I would give it all up for a koala hug. Not going to happen. Maybe I should stop dreaming when I’m awake. It’s tiring.

A strange news got to me. And even though I understand everything that is behind, and there is nothing wrong, still, it kinda hurts. Deleting me, because questions happen to be unbearable.. Understandable, of course, still, that little pain in my chest says that I am to be forgotten. Oh well..

I keep on watching that reaper with umbrella. Time to go back? Maybe..

And today, after all those working hours I went to the shop. I wanted to buy wine, but I got it for free. Still not sure how that happened, but who am I to question? Free wine, heated up back at home, white stuff falling from the sky. I am in my Christmas. And no, this time there is no miracle, as it was for the past few years. Just Christmas. Even if the white stuff was disappearing in my eyes and my palms. A mug of wine in my hands and I am fine. I always am. It’s not the end. Maybe not that end, anyways.

Those cute adorable guys at work were spoiling me again. Word here, word there, one cookie, a cake and other sweet tasty stuff. They really like me. For the reason I will probably never know.

And yes. I get to see The Killers. Two more to go and I can die [just interesting choice of words, of course].

See, miracles still happen. You do love me, after all this time. Even without admitting. Or reminding. Or disappearing. Or… Never mind. I put it in the box.

Not old, not new, just a sound. Ever thought it could be us?

No off topic. It’s kind of off topic itself.

But we had time against us,
Miles between us,
The heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,
And I see my future in you.

14 Oct 2012


After a week of almost non-stop working, I had my Sunday off. I am still having it, technically. So I started it easy, regaining strength after the working long hours in the weekend. And then, I got harassed about `how can you simply not go voting`. Few words here and there and I gave up.

I had some food, packed my passport and a bottle of water and hit the road on my bike. It started raining on the way [but of course] and I had to bike for almost one hour till I finally found Lithuanian embassy. I got in, got registered, paid my duties as concerned citizen, voted and went back on the same road back home.
I was cold and tired at the point where I was almost at home, so decided to go to the shop and buy myself something sweet and nice, for the evening. Then, back home, I cuddled myself into the blankets and tried to get warm. I think I accomplished my mission.

We saved the Sunday.

Off topic

I don’t care for elections. But I had to do it. Not because of me, but because of him. The person, who could not vote at that exact time. And even though I am only a 2nd level friend, I still had to do it. Because it matters.

He made a promise. We’re gonna take the world down.

I was not kidding. I know that you have no idea, but I was serious about that – time is ticking out. I ain’t wait forever.  It maybe my hope and faith, but somehow I still cannot admit it to myself, that it’s over. I am still hoping for a continuation.

No forgotten or found old/new sounds. Not yet, at least.

5 Oct 2012

°Camouflaged butterfly°

I had a bike accident, just like two days ago. I know because my bruises are real. And they hurt. It was a stupid and crazy thing. I just finished my shift, had dinner and was on my way home. It was raining and I was just trying to get back home as fast as possible. Then, some kid decided to cross the road. I tried to stop, but I was going too fast to do that successfully. To sliding on the road I had two choices – hit the kid or try and jump on the border. Well, that did not work perfectly, because border was too high and instead of jumping on it, my front wheel turned several times, my bike fell and I found myself falling over my head. It became as a slow motion movie at that time and at the end I found myself on the wet street. I stood up, cursed a lot, moved my bike and then had all those people asking if I was alright. It was really sweet of them and they actually tried to take care of me. One girl even asked me to walk for five minutes, in case I got shock. And all I was thinking was how stupid I look like and how incredibly good I fell because I did not feel any pain at all.

So I went back to my place with no more accidents and found myself in bed. Then there was a message on my phone. My friend changed her mind and was going to a party at our ex colleague’s place. So I changed quickly into better looking clothes and took metro to the meeting point. I was waiting for the metro when some kids, 15 or so and they were fooling around. One of them took trash bag, threw it at his friend, then a friend did the same. 2 minutes later security guys came and took them out of metro. That’s efficiency I thought. But only for a second. All of the rest of time I could not help but thinking how good looking those guys were [the security I mean]. It’s like, they must have some face control for that. and what is the reason anyways? I guess I’ll never know. I can only enjoy the view.

The party was fun. We stayed most of the time with Evija talking about different things in the kitchen, while others were somewhere else in the apartment. At the end I had to leave, because I was working the next day.

And the working stuff is boring on some level, but very much fun on the other. In the conference center I have so much nice people that it never gets boring. We laugh, we make fun, we try out new cakes and enjoy every single minute of it. Last day one guy gave me a muffin, today another one gave me tea for my throat. Those people are so sweet that it’s impossible not to like them. And enjoy working with them.

Off topic
I made my stand. For the last time though. And it will be impossible to regret it. If it never works out the way it might, it’s alright. Because I did everything I could.

Strange how your life sometimes completely depends on someone else. Somewhat attractive still. Maybe I am growing up. Not old though.

We are all falling slowly.

P.S. There is no meaning to life. The universe doesn’t give a shit. Create your own meaning and enjoy that freedom