19 Apr 2011

.Blood Tears and Gold.

I got caught up in my eternal circle. Pretty boring, pretty scheduled and pretty nothing much exciting is happening anymore. I feel an urgent need for an adventure. Where do they sell tickets for adventures?

My work is still there. Well, technically not there anymore. Now it’s out there. Yes, I’ve been sold out. Now I have to take 3 buses to the place, get up inappropriately early and stay in the place where my colleagues are not. It’s not bad though – I think I’m going to like it there.

All the rest is just as usually. I am trying to learn something and pass tests so I could get a motorcycle license. This was fun, really. I needed a health kind of card for it. I phoned maybe 10 offices and they all could not help me. They either don’t provide services as such, or they won’t accept me or any other kind of stuff. Desperate I called to one official clinic and they told me `just come and we will do it`. That sounded promising, so I went. It was interesting. I met this older women, who was very nice, checked main things about me, asked me why I am doing this in this city and not in another one, why I want a motorcycle license and send me to another room. That one was even better – a woman just asked me if I was healthy and signed my form. Another one asked me if I hear ok and then signed it too. So I went back to the first woman, she send me away with `drive safe and have fun`. The last one first asked me to promise I am not going to get a bike license. She didn’t buy `I’ll be careful` from me and told me she would not sign that kind of the form for her grand-son. She signed it for me though, wished me a good day and let me go. I was one step closer to the danger. And I have to admit, I loved the feeling.

My slow go with my thesis is still constant. It’s moving forward but still slow. I managed to kick my ass and start working on it single-mindedly. A crazy thought crossed my mind – maybe I will finish it after all.

All the rest is as usual. I am meeting my friends from time to time, when we enjoy endless talks and shows and everything. It’s amazing, we never run out of topics to talk about. Last night we went to a stupid/romantic/American comedy. None of us expected anything much out of it, but it was awesome. I haven’t laughed this hard for a long time already. `just go with it` - recommended.

All of that keeps me kind of busy. Not much time for anything else. I like it somehow. It’s much better than doing nothing. But I got a little time for myself, so I could get back to my old good, still the best with no exception `Sex and the City`. No matter how stupid you might think it is, I love it. It gives me some good insights as well.

And I also still keep on reading. Not as much as I wished though, but I am not going to throw this one away. It’s Murakami again and I am loving it. It starts to hit me that maybe I am reading too much of it, since it is almost literally is driving me crazy. Somehow he manages to get into my most fragile thoughts of my mind. And it makes me fragile. I just don’t want to break down.

Off topic


It was a crazy night when I got my wakeup call - I brought it on myself. It’s amazing, but it’s true. I programmed it myself. And I still don’t want to take the blame.

I’m a weirdo even to myself. Amazing, really. It took me some time – but I got here.

My inner organs are waking up. It might be just me, or it might be a red flag. I don’t know. I know what I want, but that ain’t enough. I’m starting to feel like I’m loosing it.

It’s somewhat better now. I just honestly hope it’s not too good. And I honestly just hope I have learned my lesson. Did I?

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