30 Jun 2014

°On Fire°

It's been quite a busy times. Sadly, those are not over yet.

I have been helping my friend to move, I had to move myself. This time it was a little easier, I had a cargo bike to help me with. Apparently with all of my wish, I still managed to collect quite a bit of the things. Now I am travelling here and there with 3 bags, set of sleeping gear, sports bag and a drawer of flowers. Yes, a drawer. It includes three flowers that I still managed not to kill. Woohoo for me.

I also booked and had my ex room mate bringing me two new toys. I say toys, because I still haven't used them accordingly, I guess. But the two include a tablet and a new laptop computer. I know I may not have needed a tablet, but I wanted one. And as far as it goes for the laptop, my old one started showing weird lines on the screen so I knew it is already counting it's last days.

Other than that is was work work work, thesis, work thesis, thesis. 

I don't seem to be able to get out of that circle, because every time I think it is almost over, I get a phone call asking to work more. And I need the money, I need the job, so I say yes. Not that much anymore though. Sometimes [and I know it's hard to believe] I say no.

Other than that there is nothing new.

Except that everything looks different. Maybe it is going to be okay in the end?

°°We sat and made a list
Of all the things that we had
Down the backs of table tops
Ticket stubs and your diaries

I read them all one day
When loneliness came and you were away
Oh they told me nothing new,
But I love to read the words you used°°

7 Jun 2014

°My empire of dirt°

And here I am again, in the casino at the end of the world. Left out, still not being able to make out of what I have done wrong. Just like that – left out. No explanation, no conversation. Just a spinning silence.

And now I am not sure which table to go to. I toss a coin for the answer and it just caught hanging in the air.

I really don’t know.

°°I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real°°

I haven’t done anything wrong, have I? I was honest. I was just trying to be honest. And to maybe fix it up afterwards.

I am not a great person. But I am not a horrible one either.
I was just trying to meet you half way. That is not too little. Or is it?

°°What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end°°

And you keep asking me why it is so hard for me to trust people.
And I always respond to you with why is it so hard to keep promises.

°°Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here°°

I bought a new computer and a tablet yesterday. Just when I was making purchases, I felt this urge to share news with you. And then I realized – I can’t. And I even don’t know why.

°°If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself

I would find a way°°