30 Sep 2014

°Lifeless silhouette°

°Shadows settle on the place, that you left.
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time.
From the perfect start to the finish line.°

It's been 2,5 years I have wanted to say this. Yet, as the time went, I already stopped believing I would ever get to say it. Seemed like one of those missions impossible that I might never kill and let come true. But I did.
`I am no longer an elite failure. I am an elite graduate`.

I have finally finished my studies. I am no longer a student. I am an adult. And sure, when your passport counts you're being 29, almost thirty, it should not scare you. Of course you are an adult, one might say. But I don't feel that. I still want to pack a bag and go. Just like that girl who travels. Scrape my knees, dance in the beach until the dawn, sleep under the stars or in a crappy hostel, sharing a room with 10 more people. I want to go, look, experience, meet, laugh and enjoy. I don't want to be an adult just yet. I still want to enjoy that life, that makes me feel alive. I want to go back on the road.

Will you draw a map for Saturday for me?

°We are reckless,
We are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he get there.°

The world somehow became very big again. So many places I want to see and so many of them seem so far. Not impossible, just, one day too far. Or one day too soon. It makes me want to turn around.

So many decisions, so little time. Which path is the right one? Which concern is the biggest one? Which side of mind is the strongest?

This time I don't need you to hold my hand. This time I need you to give me an advice. The one you promised you never will.

And I cannot stop listening to this song. Somehow it feels very close. It even smells familiar. Just like me. Stings to the core. Maybe not to you. Would not be the first time the song sings to me and only me that way it would never sing out loud.

°And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong.°

There is a little chance that I might get another Christmas miracle this year. This time I really really want it. Real fluffy almost touchable miracle.
I don't know if I will ever stop believing miracles.

°And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.
We're setting fire to our insides for fun.
Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home,
It was a flood that wrecked this home.°

Maybe it is time to build my own home. Just to make a first step. Little by little. At least in this case those pots would be put to good use. Finally. After 5 years.

°And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.°