27 Jul 2011

.Susie meets the man of her dreams.

I promised to myself not to make a new blog entry, before something really good happened. That needed a little wait, now didn’t it? Anyways, there was plenty of things happening, not all of them good, I may add. But you cannot expect life to be just easy and pink as a soap bubble. I will make it all around.

I took my driving test. And if I ever have said `the day I get driving license is the day you get hit on the road`, well, look at that, that day would have come. I passed it. Smile on my face was for the rest of the days till now. I was greeted by the examiner `just don’t do what you did the last time` and I managed. He stopped me after the exam, asked me why I need that license, explained me some flaws I did while on a bike, but at the very end – I got it. Now I can cross one thing from my `to do before I die` list and, as someone greeted me after I passed my test `now you can kill yourself`. Not sure if I’m going to do that though. The list is still pretty long.

Of course, as always, everything just simply can’t go right in my life. Just a day before my driving test, I got an e-mail from my school. It simply stated that I don’t have enough credits to graduate. This causes – I cannot defend my thesis on the ordinary time. It’s not a problem, they added, I just need to take an additional course, pass it and then I could defend my thesis. Wow, that almost doesn’t suck, does it? Of course it wouldn’t be that much of a trouble, if a year I didn’t ask precisely how many credits do I need in order to have enough and I brought the exact that amount from my exchange. So apparently, the situation is changed, and who knows, I may just be this `unlucky student` who got involved in this disappointing situation. Nothing is certain yet, so I am still hoping for the best, but from my experience and from everything else, I learned while trying to find information supporting my side of the story, something tells me they just tell me `sorry` and I will still have to go back and take courses before I could graduate. Great, that is just great.

Another unfortunate thing happened the same day later. I only wanted to go to my dentist for a quick prophylactic scan. I left my work early, I rushed for the train, I even got into a discussion with a guy with no manners and a little kid at the counter, rushed to the dentist and then got `oh, I’m sorry, the doctor isn’t here`. And I know, it’s not on purpose, but she is going on vacation after and then I leave and at the very end – I am not going to be able to get checked. The only promising thing in this case – I am going to the country that does have a pretty good medical infrastructure.

I’m still counting the days, though. 19 more days and I am out of here. The farthest point I have ever been. The first time I will actually go under the equator. And so really really under the equator. I already got in touch with my host family and it looks like a real fortune. I’m sure it’s going to be great experience and I’m sure we will have a lot of good time there.

All the rest was more or less the same. We went for a perfect weekend with perfect people to the perfect place, we repeated the similar experience in another place with almost the same people and obviously the same perfection. It’s going well. Once again, summer is kicking in. too bad the days of summer is counted already.

Off topic

Shhhh… don’t forget. For a smile we can share the night. Do I see you smiling?

There is always something, isn’t it? Smaller or bigger, more meaningful or less. It’s never just like in the dream, where you know you will wake up and when you know it’s not real and you know it will be over and there will be no hurt feeling. Yeah. Back in love – pink glasses back in style. Sweet psycho.

It’s such an obvious and easy true, but it took me a while to get it – promises mean everything. But after they are broken, sorry means nothing. Don’t repeat the `I’m sorry`, better just don’t break any.

It’s amazing. I know this is exactly how it is. And for me to understand it – I need to say it out loud. And I start to believe it. Too bad, only for that particular moment. I’ll get to that, won’t I?

You know, you say `psycho` like it’s a bad thing.

When you are at the end of the world. At that same old casino. When you sit at the poker table and you place your highest bet – your heart. Are you doubting? At least for a second, for one tiny moment of the second – do you regret it? And if you loose – do you smile? Cause when you think about it, there’s nothing more to loose anymore. Maybe not the worst possible scenario after all. It’s the same old casino at the end of the world, after all.

.Thanks for loving me. Because you do it perfectly.

Romeo, let’s run away. Now. In the middle of the rainy night. We still can chase the stars tomorrow.

Off off topic: Now I get it. My happiness is your price.

They may deny it, you may try to find millions of explanations, it may be taken as a false judgment, but fact is clear as a drop of tear: if he really loves you, he will let you wear a white dress.

Yes, I know and I agree, I have made mistakes. But it’s not really fair to expect anything much else from me – my life didn’t come with instructions. Did yours? But no, I don’t need a copy of it, I am perfectly capable of messing it up myself.

3 Jul 2011

.Pretty bubbles in the air.

I don’t know what is happening. And no, this time I am not going to blame the world. It’s probably me. It’s probably all of the time just been me. I have this `gift` to get into unbelievable situations, get stuck in unlucky spots and mess up everything in my life.

Well, at least it’s never boring.

It’s been a while. Although during that while, nothing much was happening. Of course, there were several unsuccessful tries to pass my test [and I have to say, it’s getting unbelievable – how do I even manage to do it like this?], working stuff, several concerts, several nights with friends and beer and so.

I got mixed up in this routine kind of thing and it is definitely a sign for me to get out of here. It’s time. The good part is – I can start the countdown. 43 days and I am out of here. It’s amazing – it’s one more time the same reason I need to run away, but the situation is so different. I’m running away. I still haven’t learned to stay.

My study stuff is so blurry that I don’t even have motivation to get involved in it too much. And it’s not just me, there are some objective reasons for me not to be able to graduate this year. Do I care? Couldn’t care less, actually. It might turn out to be a good thing. Although, it might turn out to the total different thing as I was hoping from the very beginning, but then again – life is changing and you can never plan too much – the plans have tendency to fall apart. Just like my life.

.Off topic.

I’m trying to understand but that is just not happening. I’m trying to find a reasonable reasoning behind and it all comes back to me in a form of a dirty cloud.

It’s funny, how people turn out to be exactly how they said they wouldn’t. C’est la vie – she says, and I have to agree with her. Sandglass is running out of sand and there is no one to turn it around.

-You ask me why I am so afraid this won’t last and I re-ask you in return, how many relationships have you been in that didn’t end.-

I had the strangest experience last night. A tiny and tattered dwarf put on some shoes, made out of dust and went out – to fight for Love. How many of us are still ready to follow the same path? The little dwarf.

You may be right – I may never grow up, and I will never slow down.

One time or another – we have to face the truth. After everything, you try – denial, pretending or any other things people may come up with – you just have to face facts. The fairy tale gone bad. And no, you don’t ask questions. You are not a friend.

It’s not a double standard. I don’t ask questions either.

---I'm forever blowing bubbles / Pretty bubbles in the air / They fly so high / They reach the sky / And like my dreams they fade and die / Fortune's always hiding, I've looked everywhere / I'm forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air.---