After a long and tiring few weeks and after 50+ working week I am finally on my rest day. It just happens to be Sunday, a.k.a. everybody's rest day.
And after a long break I went out. Just out. Just for a walk and be with myself, my thoughts and my fears. Lets face it, I was a little afraid of just being with myself for quite a while now.
And while Hurts and 30 seconds to Mars were screaming in my ears and rain was mixing on my face, my thoughts were floating louder than I could have expected.
Some things are just not easy to admit even if they are right there, in front of you and you already know all of the answers, because the last time you entered that casino at the end of the world, you bet all you had. Bet and lost. Therefore this time you enter with your pockets empty. Wonder how long till they realise and kick me out of it.
There's nothing left to say.
One more promise to keep [if] and then nothing.
Why is it always, that people only realise everything when it's already too late?
It's never one day to the full moon. It's always one day after.
And after it never enough. Never good enough.
I suddenly felt so lonely. I am alone most of the time and that never bothers me. But I don't like feeling lonely. I need you to hold my hand. Even if you're too far away.
I will be okay though. Feeling lonely is the last phase. After this, it's only rocky beginnings, but with faith to reach the summit.
Just like you did. Conquered the peak and defeated your fears.
Absolutely proud of you.
Hopefully of myself soon too.
P.S. Just 8 more days and I will be singing it out loud. Together. World, you are not going to take this from, right? Please don't.
They keep calling me
Who knows what's right; the lines keep getting thinner
My age has never made me wise
But I keep pushing on and on and on and on
There's nothing left to say now
Last day of Tivoli is also proving me wrong. Again.
All I wanted was the swings. And to be an exception.