14 Aug 2016

°Rectangular balloons in the thick green sky°

°Cómo decir que me parte en mil
las esquinitas de mis huesos,
que han caído los esquemas de mi vida
ahora que todo era perfecto.
Y algo más que eso,
me sorbiste el seso y me decían del peso
de este cuerpecito mío
que se ha convertío en río.
de este cuerpecito mío
que se ha convertío en río°

My 8 espressos yesterday sent me for a 1.5 hours nap. And -50 difference sent the whole Lithuanian nation to the disappointment and sadness. Nothing is lost, and all can be recovered, however you cannot help but balance on the unhappiness line, trying to figure out which side will be there to catch you and where you will fall.

The good part? This is not the first time and most probably not the last. But at least we are not afraid of raising back to the feet. Because you never give up. 

°Me cuesta abrir los ojos
y lo hago poco a poco,
no sea que aún te encuentre cerca.
Me guardo tu recuerdo
como el mejor secreto,
que dulce fue tenerte dentro°

Once the way of anger got washed away, I felt strangely calm. This is not a bad life, only a bad day. And it does not matter that maybe you want to hug already wet pillow, because deep down you know that your demons will hold you, no matter what.

°Siempre me quedará
la voz suave del mar,
volver a respirar la lluvia que caerá
sobre este cuerpo y mojará
la flor que crece en mi,
y volver a reír
y cada día un instante volver a pensar en ti°

I think I am ready now. Whatever you got under your sleeves, world, come at me. I am not afraid anymore. And I am not wondering what was, is or will be meant to happen. Because nothing is. We make our own decisions and we get to live with them. I have made some stupid decisions that I am trying to get a second chance for re-doing, but it will be still okay if it won't go according to my inner world's plan. I will just take it one day at a time. Without overlooking the past too much. If I get it, great, but if I won't - so be it. It will not be a lost fight, it will not be a lost war. It will only be a bad day and one of those `oh well` moments. 

I think it's over, world. If I am not afraid anymore, there is not anything you can do to make me scared. Please, however, do not take it as a challenge. Let's go grab a cup of lemongrass tea instead. It's good for you.

°En la voz suave del mar,
en volver a respirar la lluvia que caerá
sobre este cuerpo y mojará
la flor que crece en mi,
y volver a reír
y cada día un instante volver a pensar en ti°

It took me a long while, but I think I know now. I know what I want. I haven't figured out the whole life complicated web yet, but I think a little door just opened up. 

Will you help me to improve my Spanish?

...You should have known by the tone of my voice, maybe...




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