°Throughout this whole flight°

Here we are again. Me and math. And yes, this time numbers are not that shocking. Still, in the last 9 days I have worked 9. In the last 3 days I had to wake up before sun does. In the next 10 days I will have 0 days off. And it’s only 18:31, as m watch says, and I am tired as if it was late night/early morning. Welcome to my world. Where time is shifting and life is turning.

I had a long and tiring shift last night. Where I learned that I am `the chosen` one. Not exactly that, but that I am valued and trusted and.. well, one of the best anyways. Small thing, but makes you happy about yourself for sure.

At the same day I got my faith in humanity restored. I’ve been working for 12 hours straight and I was tired already. Sadly enough I get to my bike and find no keys to unlock it. Must have left them at work. So I go back, but my keys are nowhere to be found. I lost them. Good my bike is still there, but how do I take it, if the chain is real metal chain and I have no tools to cut it. And then.. I see my keys on my bike [someone definitely put them on it] tight, so they won’t fall. I could not believe my eyes. Someone either so me loosing it, or just been a good person, so they decided instead of stealing my bike, keeping it safe for me. My karma balance must have been positive. And that person must have been a totally goodie.

And now, thanks to Ieva, who asked my my shift, I finally had my time to do laundry and other, for some people, completely understandable stuff. Still, sun is already gone and all I want is to sleep. Maybe I will do that. sooner, rather than later.

Off topic

I don’t know what I feel. Anger? Sadness? Relief? Addiction? Realization? Not sure. Still not. Listening to the same old sounds does not make it more clear.

When someone asked a girl why it is so hard for her to trust people, she responded with the question, why it is so difficult to keep promise. I’ve been asked a similar question. I’ve been asked why I am not looking for a future husband/father for my future children. My answer is still the same – I will never look, but I may stay, if I manage to find someone strong enough not to let me go. Which is true. But I cannot help but wonder, how can someone expect me to look for someone, when every time I allow myself to believe, it all falls apart. Burst into thousands of pieces. Goes from `nothing`, to `nothing anymore`. And no, not after a few dates or several conversations. Magic was involved. You know what I mean right? No, not that. Different sort of magic.

No matter how hard you try, world, I will never stop believing. This is something you will not be able to take away from me. It maybe just me against you, but I will always have my faith. And I will be happy. Oh, wait, sorry, I mistaken that. I am already happy.

You reminded me of him. That smile and those hands. I finally figured some things out. And I feel like I don’t need antibiotics anymore. I am high on myself. No illegal/prescribed stuff involved.

After such a long time having a night off my hand is full of chocolate cookies, hot wine and mandarins. I will turn on some bad movie to watch and this is my Christmas [because I can create snow in my head in no time]. It’s my time now. Yours will come later.