Here we
are again. Me and math. And yes, this time numbers are not that shocking. Still,
in the last 9 days I have worked 9. In the last 3 days I had to wake up before
sun does. In the next 10 days I will have 0 days off. And it’s only 18:31, as m
watch says, and I am tired as if it was late night/early morning. Welcome to my
world. Where time is shifting and life is turning.
I had a
long and tiring shift last night. Where I learned that I am `the chosen` one.
Not exactly that, but that I am valued and trusted and.. well, one of the best
anyways. Small thing, but makes you happy about yourself for sure.
At the
same day I got my faith in humanity restored. I’ve been working for 12 hours
straight and I was tired already. Sadly enough I get to my bike and find no
keys to unlock it. Must have left them at work. So I go back, but my keys are
nowhere to be found. I lost them. Good my bike is still there, but how do I
take it, if the chain is real metal chain and I have no tools to cut it. And then..
I see my keys on my bike [someone definitely put them on it] tight, so they won’t
fall. I could not believe my eyes. Someone either so me loosing it, or just
been a good person, so they decided instead of stealing my bike, keeping it
safe for me. My karma balance must have been positive. And that person must
have been a totally goodie.
And now,
thanks to Ieva, who asked my my shift, I finally had my time to do laundry and
other, for some people, completely understandable stuff. Still, sun is already
gone and all I want is to sleep. Maybe I will do that. sooner, rather than
later.
Off
topic
I don’t
know what I feel. Anger? Sadness? Relief? Addiction? Realization? Not sure. Still
not. Listening to the same old sounds does not make it more clear.
When someone
asked a girl why it is so hard for her to trust people, she responded with the
question, why it is so difficult to keep promise. I’ve been asked a similar
question. I’ve been asked why I am not looking for a future husband/father for
my future children. My answer is still the same – I will never look, but I may
stay, if I manage to find someone strong enough not to let me go. Which is
true. But I cannot help but wonder, how can someone expect me to look for
someone, when every time I allow myself to believe, it all falls apart. Burst into
thousands of pieces. Goes from `nothing`, to `nothing anymore`. And no, not
after a few dates or several conversations. Magic was involved. You know what I
mean right? No, not that. Different sort of magic.
No
matter how hard you try, world, I will never stop believing. This is something
you will not be able to take away from me. It maybe just me against you, but I
will always have my faith. And I will be happy. Oh, wait, sorry, I mistaken
that. I am already happy.
You reminded
me of him. That smile and those hands. I finally figured some things out. And I
feel like I don’t need antibiotics anymore. I am high on myself. No illegal/prescribed
stuff involved.
After
such a long time having a night off my hand is full of chocolate cookies, hot
wine and mandarins. I will turn on some bad movie to watch and this is my
Christmas [because I can create snow in my head in no time]. It’s my time now.
Yours will come later.
No comments:
Post a Comment