I've sunk in. I came to New Zealand and I forgot everything [except you]. The regular world ceased to exist, only the limitless beauty and excitement of this magical land. It took me a total of a few hours and despite not so great weather I knew that this is the land I want to live in. Sure, just like every other place in the world, it has it's own problems and issues, but the nature, the people..
It almost makes me leave my negative and angry personality behind the closed port and come back to being a positive person some people still remember I am capable of being.
Everywhere you go, there's nature and smiling people. Making small talk, smiling at you, sharing their advice and experiences, dealing with the world so beautifully, you cannot help but feel envy. It simply is amazing.
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Off Topic
I've reached the moment of a wrapping regret. Well not regret per say, but a moment of realization, sad reality that I cannot have it all and I will not be able to have it all. I was walking around Wanaka in an "almost raining" kind of weather listening to Regina Spektor's "All the rowboats" and almost literally could feel my body open up and me, the real me, that little girl, full of anxious wish to travel and never settle, came out of the shell of a body I have been torturing with numerous tracking days. I want to be free, yet those days are now counted. Literally too, I have a countdown app on my phone that gently informs me how much time I got left. I made the decision to give up freedom all by myself, freely and I know it is not the wrong decision, I've given it a lot of thought. I know what is waiting for me is so good, it almost make me choke on that thought, but I still cannot help but wonder.. "Don't date a girl who travels <..> and if you fall in love with one, let her go"
It seems that this mindset should take me to the casino at the end of the world, but I am nowhere near it. Casino has been deserted for a while, no one daring or even being curious enough to step in. Instead I am in a field of perennials, surrounded by the sun kissed purple, pink and yellow blossoms and I have an urge to fly.
But this will probably fade away just as soon as I realize that this flight will never take me back to my happy place, so I just collapse my wings instead.
This still is not the end of my story.
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If he really loves you, he will let you wear a white dress.
