Seem s like only yesterday we entered the official
spring. Now, when I look at the calendar it tells me that almost one third of
the spring is over. Sun is shining outside my window, kind of agreeing with it.
Snow and ice on the roads, however just whisper `spring? What spring? I thought
when it’s cold we call it winter`.
And I got sick. As much as I DO NOT enjoy being sick,
this one really got me. I blame Denmark. I mean, what else is there to blame? I
do get sick, occasionally, of course. But it’s always different kind of
sickness. Not this stupid cold/fewer thing. It started with cold sore, followed
by total weakness and sore throat. Then – temperature and more throat thing. Then
almost collapsing at work where they finally kicked me out of. I think I am
getting better now. I mean, temperature seems to have left me, coughing starts
sounding a little better and I don’t feel like I want to just die. All this I only
can say big thanks to my truly great friend – ginger+lemon+honey tea. I’m a
little afraid I will soon be sick even thinking about this combination, but so
far – I don’t think. I just take it. And it takes care of me. That’s the
agreement at least.
In general it’s been a little busy month, but then
again, mostly in my head. And, of course I have been getting myself in these
stupid situations where I need to say no, but I can’t and then I won’t and then
look at this – I’m in this big pile of crap and I don’t know how to get out of
it alive.
At least sometimes I can blame it on being sick.
Constantly I get a question how my thesis is going. And
every time I say `slowly` people start rolling their eyes. Sure, I understand
them. It’s been a very long time. And yes, if I really wanted, I would have
done it. Something keep me back. Not entirely though. I mean, I agree, I can
probably be called an Elite failure, but it is not completely my fault. First my
school messed up my credits, then I already had my internship, then I wanted to
travel South America. Then I got back broke. Then my computer crashed. Then I
needed a new camera. Then it became busy period. Then personal crisis. Then
some more of that. Then some less of another that. Then finally I made
arrangements. And then they fell through. And here I am now. Not a great
excuse, I know, but that’s how it is.
I am getting more and more angry at myself actually. I
need to finish. Now I do have this with. I don’t want to quit. I want to
finish. Maybe meeting my old class mates made a difference. They actually gave
me some motivation. They have been going through the same thing. It’s been hard
on them too. It’s been like that and it’s been postponed one time too many. I am
not the only one. I just took my time to get here.
It will get better.
Nothing much else is happening. I’m just trying to
hold my horses.
And that? I don’t know. But I have made up my mind
again. It’s official. Still only in my head. But it’s getting out of my hands. And
this is my best and final offer. I just hope it’s not a mistake. Or that won’t
be one.
Off Topic
Some scarily realistic dreams I keep on having
recently. One day I have been dreaming how I got a Nintendo. I cannot remember
the game I was playing on it, but there was something very interesting. And then
you took it from me. No logic to be found.
And last night I had a dream where I learned you were
getting married.
Just like that, I was left speechless.
Married.
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