°Two
birds on a wire
One
tries to fly away
And the
other
Watches
him close
From
that wire
He says
he wants to as well
But he
is a liar°
I have
done it. I have finally done it. I am floating on air, being all happy and smiley,
listening to the songs that are making me dance, even if no one is watching. Or
even if everyone is watching – who cares? I’m like that bird from the wire, I’m
flying. Maybe not very far and maybe there are no rainbows and unicorns
underneath me, but I can sense I am able to breath and I am able to enjoy the
sacred laughter of the rain.
I went
to Regina Spektor’s concert on Tuesday and it blew me away. Especially when at
the very end of it she sat down at her piano and started the last song of her performance:
“You are my sweetest downfall…I loved you first. I loved you first”, I almost
teared up. Oh Samson..
°I”ll
believe it all
There’s
nothing I won’t understand
I’ll
believe it all
I won’t
let go of your hand°
After
walking down the memory lane and reading the old long lost letter to a friend,
I remembered it all. Strange how only 6 years have passed, but so many
negative, or maybe positive, who’s to say [?], have faded away or got dusted.
And now it all came back to me, the feeling, the trembling, the fear in your
eyes and the shocking calmness in mine. I have felt every possible emotion:
anger, disappointment, humiliation, fear, you name it, and it really cracked
me, changed me if you will. I don’t think it was the same person who came
through that door on the first day, because I was already a different woman
when I closed them behind me.
And now
I signed up for this ride again. Surely, I signed up for it before I dusted my
memories, but now even if excited, I am still a little worried – what if going
round and round in circles the history will repeat itself again? My gut is telling
to walk it off and that it will all be okay in the end, but that I already
know. What I need now is to know if it is going to be okay in 39-43 days. But
jury is still out on this one. They should be back any minute now. I have the
feeling they will come back in around 41 days. Let’s see.
°Two
birds on a wire
One says
come on
And the
other says
I’m
tired
The sky
is overcast
And I’m
sorry
One more
or one less
Nobody’s
worried°
It was
snowing today. I’ve been listening to Moloko – the time is now.mp3 once again
[after 6 years. Coincidence? I think not] and thinking of life. Mine, yours,
hers and Romeo’s. Many pictures flashed before me, going in circles faster and
faster, not stopping at any particular picture, however some faces seem to be
brighter than the others.
It would
have never changed, right? I may have naively hoped for something that will
never happen. Like a snow storm in the summer or not being cheated on by life.
°Two
birds of a feather
Say that
they’re always
Gonna
stay together
But one’s
never goin’ to
Let go
of that wire
He says
that he will
But he’s
just a liar°
It
struck me like a lighting and now I understand the situation or who you remind
me of. Surely, many different details, but it’s just like a re-written book. Just
like then, I will fly, you will stay and my happiness will be your price.
I don’t
know, maybe you will be happy. But there will always be something missing. And
that wire, it will hurt to hang on, but the fear of letting go will be too
frightening. Like the monster under your bed. Until you make an attempt to
befriend him. Although, you will probably never know, because you never allowed
the monster close enough to get to know him, like really. Just like you refused
to let me in. I might be thankful for that now.
It may
have felt like escaping the box and then finding yourself in another, bigger
box. Still no grey sky to explore and lose yourself.
°Two birds on a wire
°Two birds on a wire
One
tries to fly away
And the
other
Watches
him close
From
that wire
He says
he wants to as well
But he
is a liar°
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