°Black Hole Sun°

My week did not have the best start. I forgot the keys to my bike lock and I only realized that in front of my school, about 25 minutes away from the place I call home for the time being. After some contemplation I have decided to throw some money to the problem, buy a crappy lock [still a lock though!] and concentrate on what I came here to do. To look for a future working place. It was going well, I managed to send in two applications, before my computer decided it is time for him to restart. Little did I know that he will take my password away.

So here I am, sitting in front of it, waiting for a friend who also happens to have my password, getting hungrier and hungrier by the minute and still no internet to use. Which gives me an opportunity to think things through. I have to say - I really don't need that right now.

I need not to think. And yet, I have to.

I really have no idea how I got here. Never was my intentions to mess it all up like that. I am going back again and again in my mind and it still does not give me the answers I need. I know I did wrong, but my intentions were good. Like in that saying, that I always had a feeling I will understand one day `Intentions were good, but the results were bad`. Now where do I go? How do I make things right? Which buttons to I press and what gestures do I put on the table?

All I wanted was to get back to the casino at the end of the world. Sit at a poker table one last time. See the roulette spin one last time. Make the last bet. Not even a bet, just leave it on the table and walk away. Happy in a way, that I do not owe anything to that casino anymore. And close the door.

My Monday contemplations got interrupted as my friend came by with even a worse beginning of the week. My mouth shut right away and will to complain vanished. And after some quality time at school I headed home.

It was a very nice evening with a lot of Coldplay, really good lasagna [even if I say so myself], some good movies and a sudden realization that I may have damaged the best thing that has ever happened to me. I need to find a way to fix it. I need to speak up. I just find it a mission impossible to find the right timing and the right wording.

One can only hope Coldplay is not always right.