The world have gone really not liking me last week. It’s amazing really, I am making cookies for the world, I am working my *** off to be the best myself and still I only get those practical jokes from him [her?].
I managed to change the date for my driving test and it turned out to be real bad. For starters, I failed, even though I do not completely agree with the mistake I made, but there is no point in discussing that for sure. So I failed, happens, I am not the first one and definitely not the last one.
That wouldn’t have been that much of a disaster, if I didn’t miss my train, got back to work later than expected and get angry e-mail coming my way with all of my bosses in cc list how terribly I did not do what I was supposed to do. As fragile as I have been at that moment being [given the exam and emotional crisis], that was the last drop in my over-filled glass. But I made my way through it. I did not get into serious trouble after all. Well, you can’t expect anything to be great, or at least one out of many things to be great, when everything else is falling apart.
Either way, I was not ready to give up. It wasn’t suppose to mess my right to be happy. So I tried my best to ignore it all and start planning everything for the later. Sooner or later that just must work, right?
Wednesday night we went out to see `Hangover in Thailand` - the movie. The night was fun, we sneaked in beers into the movies, so it is more relaxing after a long difficult day to watch it, and the movie was good. Not great, but good. I was expecting it to be better, although I have to say, seeing Bangkok and other places where I have been just couple of months ago and so happy, brought some fresh memories back to my mind and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to smile or to cry. It made me remember how perfect the time I had there, how many great people I met and amazing places I’ve seen. How many unforgettable memories I brought from there and it made me realize, how much I would sacrifice to go back. Not my time though. Not now, not yet. Not sure when.
The next day, after all day long in the office and working, I gave myself a little present – I went to the concert of one of my, I can say that completely honestly, favorite bands in Lithuania. Completely untraditional, totally impromptu, full with sincerity and giving it all to the listeners. Some old songs, some new songs, some jokes that made us laugh till our stomachs start aching. It was a brilliant night, really – amazing people, wonderful songs, a beer after. Could you expect anything better? On top on everything, I met Katerina, a friend I haven’t seen for ages and wanted to see so much and so it was just a good luck to be at the same place at the same time. After a nice talk and a promise to meet up soon and catch up I went home and it started raining. Yes, it was a small little drops of water, not a real thick rain, but it was something I really needed that night. I was secretly hoping those drops of rain will wash a little of me.
I went to a house warming party on Friday and I saw some real great apartment. The place is nice, although the view is worth a million. You go up to the terrace and you see it all – what you want, you can see – the castle, the cathedral, the old town, the river – everything. When you have a view as such – you cannot want anything more, right? The next day, we took that easy. Although in the evening we got together with some friends, made some pizza, watched `My name is Khan` and went separate ways. It was an easy nice night and we were all very extremely happy that it was only Saturday.
I ended up spending my Sunday very specially. I was working on my Master thesis and sleeping. It’s brilliant, really, how sleepy reading that kind of stuff makes you. I could hardly keep my eyes open and then I had to fight a lot with myself to wake up. But I think I will try to make this one work. I mean – I have to. I just need a little kick in my *** and a little bit of a miracle. I can do the kicking, but could you send me some miracle? Via mail it will be fine too, you don’t have to deliver it to my door.
Off Topic
I can sense something I don’t like. And I couldn’t be more sure that I wish, I wish so badly I am wrong this time, but at the same time I know there is nothing in my power to change it. Basically – I just have to wait and see. Although, knowing how world is spitting out my cookies and still is looking at me with that evil eyes and grin – it may not end up in the best possible way.
`Sometimes they say they will be there to catch you when you fall. And you believe them, till you hit the ground`. And I want to tell to myself I’m done, but myself does not believe me.
I know I am taking some [or most] things too seriously sometimes [or most of the time], but honestly, this time, there is something inside of me, that stimulates me to stick to this. And I know I might have overreacted or anything, but this is the first time I am like this and what freaks me out that it doesn’t freak me out at all. Although I do agree with you I shouldn’t take life too seriously. Neither of us is getting out of it alive anyway.
Can I ask you something? Don’t. And if you do, you better make sure it’s worth it.
When you think about it – it’s a shame that stupidity cannot be converted into a usable energy source. It would be like an eternal engine. And I would be one of the parts of it, I’m sure.
Being drunk is not an excuse. Too bad, sometimes, it’s a reason.
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